Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5579278 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9550 on: October 15, 2018, 04:04:58 PM »
Harley riders chrome all their parts because that makes it easier to find them on the side of the road after they fall off.

(No offence intended, Richo)

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9551 on: October 15, 2018, 04:27:49 PM »
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Offline ppopeye

  • RTE Coordinator
  • Legendary "1000 Club" Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1677
  • Thanked: 635 times
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9552 on: October 15, 2018, 05:58:44 PM »


An angry husband stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

His wife replied, “The funeral director would be my guess.”
ppopeye

I never ride faster than my angel can fly!

2005 Red ST1300
2012 Red GL1800

Bikes I've had
Yamaha 500
Honda450
Honda CL175
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9553 on: October 15, 2018, 06:04:59 PM »
 :rofl :thumbs
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9554 on: October 15, 2018, 06:13:09 PM »
I am quite happy to make my own dinner.  At least I know what I am goping to get.
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9555 on: October 15, 2018, 06:43:26 PM »
A man ran into the hospital and anxiously shouted "My wife is in a cab outside, and our baby is coming!"

A doctor rushed outside, opened the back door of the cab, reached in, and removed the screaming womans underwear.

This is the moment when he noticed there were 4 cabs parked at the kerb, and he had picked the wrong one.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9556 on: October 15, 2018, 08:14:40 PM »
Local thunderstorm at present ... scared the heck out of my cats, and they both have bolted under my bed.

Theres not much room for the three of us under here....
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9557 on: October 16, 2018, 09:34:25 AM »
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful!  I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay, see you on Friday, Bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, STeveo

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9558 on: October 16, 2018, 09:49:13 AM »
A man met a beautiful and nice lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

She got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps.
After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
 
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Sydney and I worked both sides of the Harbour"

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, STeveo

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9559 on: October 16, 2018, 12:24:06 PM »
In a speech last night, President Trump called for a complete overhaul of the tax code.

He said he was shocked to find out that some millionaires were still paying taxes.

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9560 on: October 16, 2018, 03:22:49 PM »
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home.
As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked:
"Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield.
The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck.
The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded... "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9561 on: October 16, 2018, 08:00:38 PM »
A "Financial Advisor" is someone who solves a money problem that you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand, and cannot afford.

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, Shillas

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9562 on: October 17, 2018, 12:36:07 AM »

Last week I asked my my wife what she would like as a gift.

'Oh, I don't know ,' she said, ' ...  something with diamonds?'

I bought her a pack of playing cards.

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9563 on: October 17, 2018, 01:16:26 AM »
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town on shore leave, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight sweetie!,' ...And he sat up all night watching me."

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9564 on: October 17, 2018, 01:41:45 AM »
This is the closest I have ever been to having a date in the past ten years...

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, Sailor Sid

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9565 on: October 17, 2018, 06:25:31 AM »
I was walking down the street with my mate and he said, "I can hear music!"

... As if there is any other way you can take it in?

You're not special buddy, that's how I receive it too.

I tried to smell it and taste it, but it doesn't work that way.

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9566 on: October 17, 2018, 06:30:51 AM »
I breathe it.
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, Kev Murphy

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9567 on: October 17, 2018, 06:32:50 AM »
... In or out?  :grin
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, STeveo

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9568 on: October 17, 2018, 09:50:12 AM »
Last week I helped my friend to stay put.

It's a lot easier than helping them to move.

I just went over to his house, and made sure that he didn't start loading his crap into a truck.

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9569 on: October 17, 2018, 10:03:28 AM »
I want to hang a map of the world in my home, and then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to.

But first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9570 on: October 17, 2018, 10:53:47 AM »
Bodø is near the top.
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, Kev Murphy

Offline Gadget

  • UNBELIEVABLE "5000 Posts" Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 5672
  • Thanked: 2189 times
  • Just Ridin'
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9571 on: October 17, 2018, 11:01:42 AM »
I was walking down the street with my mate and he said, "I can hear music!"

... As if there is any other way you can take it in?

You're not special buddy, that's how I receive it too.

I tried to smell it and taste it, but it doesn't work that way.
I make it.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Cheers,
Gary
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Then  :blu13 Now :Spyder
Life's too short to be miserable, so enjoy it! :)
OzSTOC #257
FarRider #810
IBA #59140

Mob: 04 2448 3555
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip, Kev Murphy

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9572 on: October 17, 2018, 11:07:02 AM »
Way to go, Gary  :thumbsup
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9573 on: October 17, 2018, 03:32:25 PM »
Some funny stuff.... giggleworthy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzIOeiDMJk8
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip

Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 101303
  • Thanked: 10932 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9574 on: October 17, 2018, 06:25:59 PM »
A drunk man stumbles out of a bar and onto the Greyhound late one night, staggered up the aisle, and sat next to an elderly woman.

She looks him up and down and says, "You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bloody bus!"

0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: Flip