Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862936 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7451 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:04:05 AM »

Trump is prepared to kill to get that Nobel Peace Prize

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7452 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:06:51 AM »

A cop came to my house and asked where I was between 5 and 6.

He got really irritated when I replied "Kindergarten"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7453 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:10:16 AM »

Have you ever met someone for the first time, and had the overwhelming urge to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7454 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:15:56 AM »

I saw an idiot on the treadmill at the gym today.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7455 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:26:37 AM »

If lying was a job, some Polititians would be millionaires.

Hey!... hang on just a minute! ...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7456 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:30:58 AM »

I hate it when Mothers say about their child: "He's 24 months old"

He's 2. Your child is 2.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7457 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:37:16 AM »

With so much texting from todays Youth, I can see that in the future there will be millions of people with thumbs the size of my foot.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7458 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:43:03 AM »

Why is it that I have to correct Autocorrect, more than Autocorrect corrects me?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7459 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:52:47 AM »

I met some friends in the Supermarket, and they exclaimed "Hey! what are you doing here?"

I replied "Hey!, you know, just hunting elephants!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7460 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:54:41 AM »

I have discovered that I don't have enough middle fingers to describe Monday mornings.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7461 on:** May 11, 2018, 07:55:39 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7462 on:** May 11, 2018, 09:31:09 AM »

9.30am ad it's still only 11 degrees... I hate this cold wind,but at least it stopped raining overnight.
Had 36mm between 4pm and 2am. Still overcast, tho, and very windy. 40+km, gusting to 55. 75% humidity.
Almost time for me to venture forth and pay bills etc.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7463 on:** May 11, 2018, 05:00:32 PM »

To do list ...

Go to Supermarket.

Get bird seed from pet aisle.

Ask checkout operator how long it will take for the birds to grow.

Wait for reaction ....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7464 on:** May 11, 2018, 08:50:22 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7465 on:** May 11, 2018, 09:23:27 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7466 on:** May 11, 2018, 09:50:26 PM »

I hate online surveys that ask for my year of birth, and I have to scroll down 3 pages to select the correct response.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7467 on:** May 12, 2018, 06:45:59 AM »

Jesus can walk on water.

Chuck Norris can swim through mountains!

Bloodman · « **Reply #7468 on:** May 12, 2018, 09:29:05 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7469 on:** May 12, 2018, 03:45:30 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7470 on:** May 12, 2018, 04:52:53 PM »

Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns $4000 a week and gives 3/4 to your mother, what will she have?"
Student: "A heart attack."

Bodø Glimt · « **Reply #7471 on:** May 12, 2018, 10:30:53 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7472 on:** May 13, 2018, 12:06:14 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7473 on:** May 13, 2018, 12:30:44 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #7474 on:** May 13, 2018, 12:34:49 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5862936 times)

Bodø Glimt