Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5860352 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8108 on:** July 07, 2018, 11:27:57 PM »

... Another blast from the past... circa ... mid 1975. April/May

Jeff and I found ourselves in Bribane, where we occupied a flat at Kangaroo Point for four months before we moved north to the coal mines. I took a job as a flour packer at Gillespie Bros flour mill opposite Albion railway station for around 4 months. There were 8 guys on each afternoon shift, 2 baggers who filled the bags, 2 who checked and adjusted the weight of each bag and sewed them closed, and two that stacked the bags and put them down the chute to the storage area, where another 2 guys allocated packing, either onto trucks or into railway transporters. Fist-sized sample bags of flour were taken for quality control every 30 minutes, sort of 'lolly bag' size, and containing about a cup full of flour. These were submitted to quality control for daily testing.We swapped places with each other during each shift to vary the work load.

From the fourth level packing area windows, we could see the Albion railway station far below. Late one night we noticed a drunk staggering around on the railway station platform. He had missed the last train of the night, and it looked like he was preparing to sleep on one of the benches. One of the guys grabbed a sample bag and scooped flour into it and taped it closed. He was a baseball player, and had a good arm. He flung the bag out the window, and it reached the edge of the platform far below, where it burst and scattered all over the platform, the bench, and the drunk.
The drunk was scanning the area to see who was responsible, thinking that someone at ground level had plastered him, not thinking of raising his eyes and looking across the carpark, across the road, and to the silos way over the other side of the tracks..

Unfortunately, the flour company ceased producion after 72 years service in 2004, and the silos were the site of an arson attack in 2013. Those silos were demolished in 2014 to make way for a housing developement.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8109 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:18:06 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8110 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:18:53 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8111 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:20:32 AM »

A guy shows up late for work. His boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"

The guy replies, "Why? What happened?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8112 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:21:29 AM »

A traveling salesman is driving down a country road when he comes across a farmer who is standing in his orchard, hoisting pigs into the apple trees with ropes. He stops. "What are you doing?" the salesman asks.

"I'm feeding the pigs," answers the farmer, incredulous that someone could ask a question with such an obvious answer.

"Well," says the salesman, "why don't you let the apples fall to the ground, gather them up in baskets, and feed the pigs that way?"

The farmer ponders, then says, "Hmmmm. Yes, I guess I could do it that way. But what would be the point?"

The salesman is a bit exasperated: "Well, it would save time, wouldn't it?"

The farmer ponders again. "Yes," he says after a pause, "I guess it would save time. But what's time to a pig?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8113 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:23:42 AM »

"My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”

So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.

It was my grandfather.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8114 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:26:54 AM »

An old lawyer passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.
"I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer.
Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was, and why he kept calling.
The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8115 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:30:06 AM »

Blondes always watch porn flicks to the end, because they think there's going to be a wedding.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8116 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:32:27 AM »

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures that Chuck Norris allows to live.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8117 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:33:23 AM »

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records, it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8118 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:34:37 AM »

If it looks like chicken, smells like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it's beef. OK?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8119 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:50:32 AM »

Humour from 90 years ago. George Burns and Gracie Allen, husband and wife comics.

Burns: Do you like to love?
Allen: No.
Burns: Like to kiss?
Allen: No.
Burns: What do you like?
Allen: Lamb chops.
Burns: Lamb chops. Could you eat two big lamb chops alone?
Allen: Alone? Oh, no, not alone. With potatoes I could.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8120 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:57:52 AM »

What do you call a deaf person?

Whatever you like, he cant hear you anyway.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8121 on:** July 08, 2018, 01:59:55 AM »

I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people – but none of them work.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8122 on:** July 08, 2018, 02:01:26 AM »

Evolution failure.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8123 on:** July 08, 2018, 03:37:18 AM »

A further blast from the past, extracted from my diary. August/Sept 1975

Jeff and I had our names registered with Thomas and Coffey Engineering for work in the coal fields (wages were much better than working in a flour mill)
We had a call asking if we were available for 4 weeks maintenance work to underground lighting and conveyors at Kianga mine near Moura. Wages were far in excess than what we had been paid packing flour, so we replied with an emphatic "YES!" to the offer, and within a couple of days we rode some 630 Km north west from Brisbane to Moura. We had been offered transport, but decided to take the bikes, as who knows which way we would head from there at completion of the maintenance contract?
We arrived on the Thursday, 7th of August and got accomodation at a caravan park in Moura, and commenced work on Monday, 11th August. Dirty, smelly, gassy job, but the money negated the discomfort, and as it was only for a month we tolerated the conditions.

Completed the contract on Saturday Sept 6th, and Thomas and Coffee were obviously pleased with our work as they offered a 3 month maintenance contract at Blackwater Mine which was to commence on 15th Sept which gave us 8 days to get our butts there (even tho it was only around a 2 and a half hour road trip)
With a week up our sleeve, we sorta detoured through Gladstone, Rockhamton, Emu Park and Yeppoon and took a ferry across to Great Keppel Island for a day trip.
We arrived at Blackwater Mine where we were allocated dongas with other workers for the duration of the contract on 12th Sept. Blackwater mine is an open cut, which was far better conditions than the underground work at Kianga.

One week later we got the news that Kianga mine had exploded at 5.10pm on Saturday 20th September, killing 13 of the miners that we had been working with just two weeks earlier. I believe they are still underground, never recovered.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #8124 on:** July 08, 2018, 03:45:25 AM »

The dentist said to me: ‘Say Ahhh.’

 I asked: ‘Why?’ 

He replied: ‘My dog died.’

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5860352 times)