Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5580200 times)

Wild Rose · « **Reply #9650 on:** October 29, 2018, 07:19:15 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 29, 2018, 04:43:12 PM

Wishing you a fast recovery, Leo.

Thanks Kev

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9651 on:** October 30, 2018, 04:59:16 AM »

Marines and the Police, based on a true story

The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.
At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store.

(to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, ... to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).
The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire.

The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.

The thief, probably scared crapless at this, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9652 on:** October 30, 2018, 05:03:29 AM »

You know you are really old when you sit in a rocking chair, and can't get it started.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9653 on:** October 30, 2018, 11:07:30 AM »

A cowboy heard the song 'Get along little doggie', so he dun bought hisself a dachshund.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9654 on:** October 30, 2018, 06:23:52 PM »

This should confuse the hell out of the flat earthers.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9655 on:** November 01, 2018, 01:47:30 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9656 on:** November 01, 2018, 01:54:34 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9657 on:** November 01, 2018, 04:53:49 AM »

Two friends met at the Pub.

"Hiya, Joe!" called one, "What's new?"

The other grinned back and replied "I got a new dishwasher!"

"Well, thats not exactly what I meant?" said the guy. "But what model?"

"She says mid 90's, but I suspect late 80's"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9658 on:** November 01, 2018, 04:58:05 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9659 on:** November 01, 2018, 08:42:58 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9660 on:** November 01, 2018, 03:31:50 PM »

"Doctor, my childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?"

"Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9661 on:** November 01, 2018, 03:49:35 PM »

"Your honor," a defense attorney began, "I have a series of witnesses that can testify that Mr. Johnson was nowhere near the scene of the crime when it occurred."

The judge looked at the defense table and said, "This is the third time you've been in this court room this week, and I'm getting sick of hearing your lies."

The defendant stood up with a confused expression and said, "Your honor, you must be mistaken. I've never been here in my life."

Waving his finger, the judge replied, "I was referring to your Solicitor."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9662 on:** November 01, 2018, 07:58:55 PM »

A guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me, when I was younger."

Ummmm? ...... Every picture of you is of when you were younger!

Bodø · « **Reply #9663 on:** November 01, 2018, 08:10:03 PM »

Did it say a thousand words?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9664 on:** November 01, 2018, 11:58:16 PM »

Mother of 14 children, Octomum Nadya Suleman is getting pretty desperate for money.

Her octuplets will be 10 years old next January.

Four of her kids are already working for Nike!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9665 on:** November 02, 2018, 06:39:00 AM »

President Trump stated that he was over Stormy Daniels.

.... and under her, and behind her...

Bodø · « **Reply #9666 on:** November 02, 2018, 07:20:42 AM »

She claims he was in her.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9667 on:** November 02, 2018, 08:17:23 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9668 on:** November 02, 2018, 02:10:31 PM »

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9669 on:** November 03, 2018, 06:44:44 AM »

Phone data charges.

Its a good thing that internet data is not charged at the same rate of some phone data ($40 for 15 meg of data)

My last month Internet bill would have been more than $5,300 for 31 days? (over $170 per day)

Bodø · « **Reply #9670 on:** November 03, 2018, 07:40:30 AM »

I use data sim cards in my tablet and mobile wifi modem. No need for using data on the phone.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9671 on:** November 03, 2018, 10:19:02 AM »

My phone is not connected to the internet, I have no use for it. It's a phone. *Ring Ring* ... "Hello?"
I have a camera, ... Why would I want to take photos/videos with a phone?

Bodø · « **Reply #9672 on:** November 03, 2018, 10:27:25 AM »

That is pretty much the only thing I do with my phone.

Wild Rose · « **Reply #9673 on:** November 03, 2018, 11:52:23 AM »

My phone gets used for everything
Computer, camera, video, text, calculator, storage, alarm clock, weather forcast, playing games and ocasionionally gets used to answer phone calls

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9674 on:** November 03, 2018, 12:06:50 PM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5580200 times)

Bodø

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