Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5580332 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9675 on: November 03, 2018, 03:07:54 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9676 on: November 03, 2018, 10:32:30 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9677 on: November 04, 2018, 12:27:46 AM »
I sent Donald Trump a postcard with a picture of the Earth taken from space.

On the back I wrote 'Wish you were here.'

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9678 on: November 04, 2018, 12:38:35 AM »
I saw a bank sign that said "24 Hour Banking"

.. but I haven't got all day to mess around in there.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9679 on: November 04, 2018, 03:50:21 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9680 on: November 04, 2018, 10:03:12 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9681 on: November 04, 2018, 10:04:44 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9682 on: November 04, 2018, 03:47:05 PM »
Did I tell you the story about the time I climbed Mount Everest?









I made it up.
 
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Offline ppopeye

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9683 on: November 04, 2018, 04:04:36 PM »





As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
 
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
 
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
 
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
 
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
 
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
 
Apparently, I’m still lost…
ppopeye

I never ride faster than my angel can fly!

2005 Red ST1300
2012 Red GL1800

Bikes I've had
Yamaha 500
Honda450
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9684 on: November 04, 2018, 06:28:32 PM »
Went fishing this afternoon for an hour, jigging for squid.
Managed to catch 3 nice ones, so I have calamari on the menu for a couple of days.  :thumbsup
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9685 on: November 05, 2018, 09:53:05 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9686 on: November 05, 2018, 10:13:03 AM »
My dentist said "Say Awww!"

I asked "Why?"

He said "My dog died.'"

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9687 on: November 05, 2018, 10:15:17 AM »
When I walked back inside after putting my trash out, the phone was ringing.

I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said 'You are.'"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9688 on: November 05, 2018, 10:19:38 AM »
I walked into a record shop and asked “What have you got by The Doors?”

He said: “An extinguisher, a bucket of sand, and a fire blanket!”

He's flaming paranoid!

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9689 on: November 05, 2018, 10:25:21 AM »
When people offer Trump 'a penny for your thoughts', they are legally entitled to receive change.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9690 on: November 05, 2018, 05:33:26 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9691 on: November 05, 2018, 06:38:35 PM »
Worse than SARS and Bird Flu combined, the US Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior at Polling Booths.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9692 on: November 06, 2018, 07:35:32 AM »
By the time you find greener pastures, you are too old to climb the fence!

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9693 on: November 06, 2018, 10:58:29 AM »
A woman went to the dentist's for a checkup, and soothing music was playing over the speaker system.

After waiting ten minutes, an elderly woman sitting beside her said, "isn't that just like a dentist?
A waiting room jammed with people, and the dentist is in there playing the piano."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9694 on: November 07, 2018, 01:36:47 AM »
My bestie and his family are moving to Melbourne in a couple of months, they are moving to take care of his elderly mother.
Both his kids are already attending Uni in Melbourne, so it will bring their family closer together.
They offered for me to move in with them, but they have dogs, and I have cats, so that won't work.

I will miss them dearly, as we currently visit each other on a daily basis.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9695 on: November 07, 2018, 01:46:52 AM »
Another friend told me yesterday that his pension increased  a few weeks back, by almost $4 per fortnight.
He joked about being able to buy an extra loaf of bread each week.

... and then his Housing Commission rent increased by $3 per week.

Meanwhile, various un-named members of various polital parties fly around all over the the country telling us how well they are taking care of us.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9696 on: November 07, 2018, 04:44:02 AM »
Magistrate: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"

Officer: "Because he was argumentarary and he couldn’t pronunciater his words."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9697 on: November 07, 2018, 10:28:34 AM »
Hotel Translations explained....

Old world charm   (No bath)
Tropical               ( Rainy)
Majestic setting    (A long way from town)
Options galore      ( Nothing is included in the itinerary)
Secluded hideaway  (Impossible to find or get to)
Pre-registered rooms (Already occupied)
Knowledgeable trip hosts  (They've flown in an airplane before)
No extra fees       (No extras)
Nominal fee         (Outrageous charge)
Standard             (Sub-standard)
Deluxe                (Standard)
Superior              (One free shower cap)
Cozy                   (Small)
All the amenities   (Two free shower caps)
Plush                  (Top and bottom sheets)
Gentle breezes ... Occasional Gale-force winds
Light and airy ..... No air conditioning
Picturesque ........ Theme park nearby
Open bar ............ Free ice cubes
Concierge ........... Stand with tourist brochures
Continental breakfast .. Free muffin

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9698 on: November 07, 2018, 02:20:53 PM »
I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water".

I couldn't help thinking, she should move closer.

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9699 on: November 07, 2018, 05:12:53 PM »
If the next artical says they are building a well for her send her a get well soon card.
 
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