Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5580415 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9700 on: November 07, 2018, 05:19:36 PM »
 :rofl
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9701 on: November 08, 2018, 12:18:29 AM »
If you took all the money that we spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year.

I'm not sure about your thoughts, but don't you think it means we're being overcharged for our groceries?

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9702 on: November 08, 2018, 12:20:53 AM »
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.


Rohypnol does that to people.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9703 on: November 08, 2018, 12:24:19 AM »
My neighbour has been married for 50 years.

"Amazing. 50 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?"

"Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions... and the woman just makes the little decisions."

"Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?"

"Oh, yes," he said proudly. "50 years, and so far, not one big decision!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9704 on: November 08, 2018, 12:30:43 AM »
Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.

"I'm a veterinarian," said the first fellow. "So, naturally, I drive a white Chevy 'Vette."

As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Chrysler Neon."

Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two.

"Well," he finally said, "I'm a proctologist... and I drive a brown Ford Probe."

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9705 on: November 08, 2018, 12:41:57 AM »
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them a hell of a lot sooner.

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9706 on: November 08, 2018, 05:19:08 AM »
I get all my exercise on a golf course.

If one of my friends collapses, I run for a Paramedic.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9707 on: November 08, 2018, 05:21:29 AM »
You and I count sheep to help us get to sleep.



State and Federal Polititians count ballot papers, and STILL can't sleep.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9708 on: November 08, 2018, 05:26:30 AM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9709 on: November 08, 2018, 05:31:39 AM »
Poor chip! ... has been horror-fried!

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9710 on: November 08, 2018, 08:23:38 AM »
A cop made the mistake of arresting a magician last night.

He's still confused, after asking him to empty his pockets.

After he was taken to the station, strip seached and locked up, they still can't figure out this morning where all the rabbits in his cell came from?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9711 on: November 08, 2018, 10:35:55 AM »
God, to Noah "Noah, stop what you're doing and build me an ark!"

Noah  "Ark off!? ... I'm working on a speedboat at the moment. Far more exciting!
-Water skiing...  have you created water skiing yet?
It'll really kick ass, and make great pictures for the pages of the Bible!"

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9712 on: November 08, 2018, 11:44:29 AM »
Vic state election must be getting closer... my mailbox was filled with political trash today, including warnings of fines if I do not vote.

I attend, and I vote in a manner which I believe in.

I have lived my entire life loyal to the informal party, and will not be swayed.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9713 on: November 08, 2018, 12:23:27 PM »
You know, I had a prediction about the Melbourne Cup.



... I thought to myself, ... one of these horses will win this race?
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Online Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9714 on: November 08, 2018, 01:17:31 PM »
You know, I had a prediction about the Melbourne Cup.



... I thought to myself, ... one of these horses will win this race?
Gee Kev you could have something there  :grin
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9715 on: November 08, 2018, 01:19:05 PM »
 :grin ... but no money to waste.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9716 on: November 08, 2018, 06:23:45 PM »
the word 'Love' consists of 4 letters,

...but then again, so does beer.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

... How about misery after three years?


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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9717 on: November 08, 2018, 06:30:00 PM »
"How many beers have you had tonight?" asked the cop.

"Only two!" replied the accosted driver.

As the cop checked the breatho reading, he asked "Two what?... pots?, Jugs?, or barrels?"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9718 on: November 09, 2018, 02:09:55 AM »
North Koreans are led to believe that the Unicorn still exists.

They could be right, but todays Unicorn is a lot shorter, has put on a lot of weight, and the horn has slipped from above the eyes down to its snout.

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9719 on: November 09, 2018, 07:00:06 AM »
A truck driver (The Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on his 50th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
 Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."
 Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the truck driver sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but  for what ? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm a truck driver ?”
"Congratulations for what ?" Says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty.
 "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old ! God himself wants to see you !"
 The truck driver is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open.
When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be fifty."
 "That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter, "We've added up all your log books"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9720 on: November 09, 2018, 08:46:00 AM »
 :rofl
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9721 on: November 09, 2018, 09:40:37 AM »
 :crackup :thumbsup
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9722 on: November 09, 2018, 09:50:41 AM »
A guy was told by his doctor that he had only 6 months to live.

So he decided his whole family should move in with his mother-in-law,
because living with her for 6 months would seem like forever.

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9723 on: November 09, 2018, 09:54:31 AM »
If my doctor told me I had six months to live I'd shoot him.  The judge will give me thirty years.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #9724 on: November 09, 2018, 09:59:04 AM »
Careful! ... If you DO die in jail, you may be sued by the Govt for breach of contract!  :rofl
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