Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Bodø]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[Kev Murphy]

Some 'April Fools Day' stunts from the past.

Y2K problem Solved

In 1999 the Singapore Straits Times reported that a 17-year-old high school student had one-upped all the major software corporations of the world by creating
a small computer program that would easily solve the Y2K bug.
The camera-shy C student had supposedly devised the program in twenty-nine minutes while solving an algebra problem for his homework.
His family and a technology consulting group were reportedly forming a joint venture named 'Polo Flair' in order to commercialize the discovery.
They anticipated achieving revenues of $50 million by the end of the year.
Numerous journalists and computer specialists contacted the Straits Times, seeking more information about the boy genius and his Y2K cure.
One journalist even wanted to know if the boy would be willing to appear on TV, despite the fact that he was camera shy.
Unfortunately the boy and his ingenious program didn't exist. Quick-witted readers would have noticed that 'Polo Flair' was an anagram for 'April Fool.'


Corporate Tattoos

In 1994 National Public Radio's All Things Considered program reported that companies such as Pepsi were sponsoring teenagers to tattoo their ears with corporate logos.
In return for branding themselves with the corporate symbol, the teenagers would receive a lifetime 10% discount on that company's products.
Teenagers were said to be responding enthusiastically to this deal.


Chewy Vodka Bars

In 1994 Itar-Tass reported that an alcoholic beverage company had invented a new kind of candy sure to be a favorite with the Russian people: chewy Vodka Bars.
These bars, designed to compete with Mars and Snickers bars, would come in three flavors:- lemon, coconut, and salted cucumber.
The same company was also said to be perfecting another new product: instant vodka in tea bags.


Big Ben Goes Digital

In 1980 the BBC reported that Big Ben, in order to keep up with the times, was going to be given a digital readout.
It received a huge response from listeners protesting the change. T
he BBC Japanese service also announced that the clock hands would be sold to the first four listeners to contact them,
and one Japanese seaman in the mid-Atlantic immediately radioed in a bid.


Arm the Homeless

In 1999 the Phoenix New Times ran a story announcing the formation of a new charity to benefit the homeless.
There was just one catch. Instead of providing the homeless with food and shelter, this charity would provide them with guns and ammunition.
It was named 'The Arm the Homeless Coalition.' The story received coverage from 60 Minutes II, the Associated Press, and numerous other
local radio stations before everyone realized it was a joke.
The Phoenix New Times's joke was actually a reprise of a 1993 prank perpetrated by students at Ohio State University.


Life Discovered on Jupiter

In 1996 AOL subscribers who logged onto the service were greeted by a news flash announcing that a "Government source reveals signs of life on Jupiter."
The claim was backed up by statements from a planetary biologist and an assertion by Ted Leonsis, AOL's president, that his company was in possession
of documents proving that the government was hiding the existence of life on the massive planet.
The story quickly generated over 1,300 messages on AOL.
A spokesman for the company later explained that the hoax had been intended as a tribute to Orson Welles's 1938 Halloween broadcast of the War of the Worlds.


Drunk Driving on the Internet

An article by John Dvorak in the April 1994 issue of PC Computing magazine described a bill going through Congress that would make it illegal
to use the internet while drunk, or to discuss sexual matters over a public network.
The bill was supposedly numbered 040194 (i.e. April/01/94), and the contact person was listed as Lirpa Sloof (April Fools backwards).
The article said that the FBI was going to use the bill to tap the phone line of anyone who "uses or abuses alcohol" while accessing the internet.
Passage of the bill was felt to be certain because "Who wants to come out and support drunkenness and computer sex?"
The article offered this explanation for the origin of the bill: "The moniker 'Information Highway' itself seems to be responsible for SB 040194.
.. I know how silly this sounds, but Congress apparently thinks being drunk on a highway is bad no matter what kind of highway it is."
The article generated so many outraged phone calls to Congress that Senator Edward Kennedy's office had to release an official denial of the rumor
that he was a sponsor of the bill.


 These make a nice change from the over-baked 'Flying Penguins' and 'Spagetti Tree' stunts.

[Kev Murphy]

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?"

He got this reply... "Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with
a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her.
And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother
of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother!
Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother.
Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson. But hold on just a few minutes more.
You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather.
Now can you understand how and why I was admitted to this place?"

[Kev Murphy]

Forrest Gump was wrong!
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates.



It's more like a bowl of chillies!

What you do today could burn your ass tomorrow!

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

If one of Richard Bransons passenger aircraft crashed, would he be obliged to change the name of the company to something more appropriate?

... like, 'Totally Screwed' ?

[Kev Murphy]

A bloke took his dog to the vet. "Doctor," he said, "I need you to cut off my dog's tail."

The vet stepped back, "But, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

"Because my mother-in-law arrives tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."

[Kev Murphy]

I bought a Japanese camera.

When I push the button, it goes "CRICK!"

[Kev Murphy]

I bought an Italian car.

A Mafia.

It has a hood under the hood.

[Kev Murphy]

I bought my ex a car.

She took driving lessons to get her licence.

A week later, she learned how to aim it.

I still have the bruises.

[Kev Murphy]

Chuck Norris is the only man ever to defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

[Kev Murphy]

Both my wife and I lived happily for 21 years.





... until we met......

[Kev Murphy]

I come from a very large family - nine parents.

[Kev Murphy]

I think it'd be great if you had a kid that ended up being the Pope.

That would be the ultimate bragging rights.

'Oh, your son's a doctor? Yeah, ours is the Pope.

Oh, they own a house? He has his own city.'

[Kev Murphy]

When you don't drink, people always need to know why.

They're like, 'You don't drink? Why?'

This never happens with anything else. 'You don't use mayonnaise? Why?
Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I use mayonnaise?'

Strange...

[Kev Murphy]

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," he said gravely. "There are three other doctors there already!"

[Kev Murphy]

Teacher: "Name seven African wild animals"

Little Johnny "A hippopotamus, two lions, and four elephants!"

This never happens with anything else. 'You don't use mayonnaise? Why?
Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I use mayonnaise?'

Strange...

I like kewpie mayonnaise.  Truth be told, Australian mayonnaise is awful.

[Bodø]

I think it'd be great if you had a kid that ended up being the Pope.
That would be the ultimate bragging rights.
'Oh, your son's a doctor? Yeah, ours is the Pope.
Oh, they own a house? He has his own city.'

He'd have his own country.  That said, he'd also be accused of protecting pedos.

[Bodø]

Teacher: "Name seven African wild animals"
Little Johnny "A hippopotamus, two lions, and four elephants!"

At least he's mastered arithmetic.

[Kev Murphy]

I was enjoying some music today (I have a very comprehensive speaker system on my computer, plenty of thumping bass)

I was playing 'Another one bites the dust' by Queen.

I heard laughter outside, and took a look out the window.

Many people dressed in top gear heading back to their cars after attending a funeral service at the church two doors up.

Glad to have brightened their day.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to become President of the United States.

[Kev Murphy]

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light.

But the State Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

[Kev Murphy]

A teacher asked little Johnny, "Can people predict the future with cards?"

His response is, "My Mum can!"

The teacher replies in disbelief, "Really?"

He is quick to explain, "Yep!, ... she takes one look at my report card, and tells me what will happen when my Pa gets home."