Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5826236 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12476 on:** June 06, 2019, 01:27:31 PM »

Scam callers are still active... just got a call, (07 33418181) an automated female voice claiming to be Telstra "Your internet security has been compromised, and will be shut down soon. Please press 1 to be taken to a technician." So, being bored at the moment, I pressed 1, and after a delay some Indian jerk came on, said he is from Telstra and started spruiking that they have detected a virus, yada yada yada... I took great pleasure to inform him that I am from Telstra support, and that action will be taken in court to prosecute him for fraudulent activity.

Man oh man, he slammed the phone down so fast my ear is still ringing!

Brock · « **Reply #12477 on:** June 06, 2019, 01:58:22 PM »

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #12478 on:** June 06, 2019, 06:55:05 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 06, 2019, 01:27:31 PM

Scam callers are still active... just got a call, (07 33418181) an automated female voice claiming to be Telstra "Your internet security has been compromised, and will be shut down soon. Please press 1 to be taken to a technician." So, being bored at the moment, I pressed 1, and after a delay some Indian jerk came on, said he is from Telstra and started spruiking that they have detected a virus, yada yada yada... I took great pleasure to inform him that I am from Telstra support, and that action will be taken in court to prosecute him for fraudulent activity.

Man oh man, he slammed the phone down so fast my ear is still ringing!

Scammers have got that bad I don't answer my phone unless I recognise the number.
I figure if it's important they'll leave a message, funnily enough scammers never do...

Brock · « **Reply #12479 on:** June 06, 2019, 07:05:17 PM »

I had a call today from the ATO, it had a computer voice saying that I had a tax problem that needed to be resolved. I turned the call off and put a scam notation against the number and let Scam Watch know.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12480 on:** June 06, 2019, 11:06:27 PM »

When religious nutters blow themselves up, can their church claim for loss of prophets?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12481 on:** June 06, 2019, 11:57:33 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12482 on:** June 07, 2019, 12:04:11 AM »

A Roman gladiator walked into a bar, held up two fingers and asked "Five beers please?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12483 on:** June 07, 2019, 12:10:12 AM »

Jim the town drunkard was at his wit’s end, he had no money to buy even the barest necessities for his family.
It was right before going to sleep one night that Jim prayed:

“Dear Lord, please, ... all I’m asking for is some food to put on the table, NOTHING else!
... I’ll buy my own booze!”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12484 on:** June 07, 2019, 12:45:58 AM »

Political speeches are presented like a ruptured fire hose.

- spraying in all directions, with no way to turn them off.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12485 on:** June 07, 2019, 06:32:56 AM »

You know that you are old when the clothes you've put away until they come back in style,

... have come back in style.

Bodø · « **Reply #12486 on:** June 07, 2019, 06:35:33 AM »

I've never been that fashion conscious.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12487 on:** June 07, 2019, 06:38:51 AM »

Morning Bodø, have a great day mate.

Bodø · « **Reply #12488 on:** June 07, 2019, 06:49:05 AM »

So far so good.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12489 on:** June 07, 2019, 07:02:06 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12490 on:** June 07, 2019, 07:05:39 AM »

I knocked on the door at a 'Bed & Breakfast', and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: "What do you want?"

I said, "I'd like to stay here"

She said, "Well OK, but stand clear of the door", and she closed the window.

Jdbiker · « **Reply #12491 on:** June 07, 2019, 09:57:18 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2019, 12:04:11 AM

A Roman gladiator walked into a bar, held up two fingers and asked "Five beers please?"

“ And don’t forget the nvts “🤓

Bodø · « **Reply #12492 on:** June 07, 2019, 10:01:05 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2019, 12:04:11 AM

A Roman gladiator walked into a bar, held up two fingers and asked "Five beers please?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12493 on:** June 07, 2019, 02:35:12 PM »

Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats

1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cats look silly on a leash.
3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.
6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.
7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.
8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain.
10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12494 on:** June 07, 2019, 02:40:42 PM »

Why did George Pell fire his lawyer???

Because hiring someone to get him off, was what got him in trouble in the first place!

Wild Rose · « **Reply #12495 on:** June 07, 2019, 03:21:07 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2019, 02:35:12 PM

Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats

Kev as a cat lover I didn’t think you would put something like this here

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12496 on:** June 07, 2019, 03:31:36 PM »

Dental braces.

... Putting your money where your mouth is.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12497 on:** June 07, 2019, 04:25:04 PM »

Telstra contacted me today with a 'Personal offer'

'Kevin, only for selected Telstra customers like you, you can add a new $39 BYO Mobile Companion Plan to your account on Australia’s best mobile network. You’ll pay no excess data charges in Australia, even if you go over your 30GB allowance. Offer ends 24 June 2019.

Min cost $468 over 12 months.'

My phone is not even connected to the internet .. not exactly personalised? ... Nice try, but totally useless.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12498 on:** June 07, 2019, 04:39:45 PM »

All Pollies have just been granted a 2% pay increase as of July 1st.

That means the PM alone will get an extra $10,770 per year, which is almost half the yearly age pension.

FOR WHAT???

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12499 on:** June 07, 2019, 04:56:06 PM »

Quote from: Wild Rose on June 07, 2019, 03:21:07 PM

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2019, 02:35:12 PM
Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats

Kev as a cat lover I didn’t think you would put something like this here

Leo, at least the cats don't bark at every little noise through the night.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5826236 times)

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø