Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5826241 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12500 on:** June 07, 2019, 05:32:38 PM »

I had a Greek schoolfriend who failed kindergarden, because he couldn't spell his last name.

NTRebel · « **Reply #12501 on:** June 07, 2019, 05:43:33 PM »

Didn't you know it's hard work sleeping on the job.

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 07, 2019, 04:39:45 PM

All Pollies have just been granted a 2% pay increase as of July 1st.

That means the PM alone will get an extra $10,770 per year, which is almost half the yearly age pension.

FOR WHAT???

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12502 on:** June 07, 2019, 07:27:46 PM »

.. or cruising around the world giving away money that does not belong to you.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12503 on:** June 08, 2019, 07:23:47 AM »

Airline Meals

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight, the "A" steward lead flight attendant nervously made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible last minute error by our airport catering service.
I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals.
I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued,:
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our flight."

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later. "IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS, WE STILL HAVE 40 DINNERS AVAILABLE."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12504 on:** June 08, 2019, 02:34:19 PM »

I have a million dollar body -- but it's all loose change!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12505 on:** June 08, 2019, 02:37:54 PM »

-- About the Police investigating News Reporting.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12506 on:** June 08, 2019, 02:49:35 PM »

Whenever I get the urge to exercise,

I lay down immediately until the feeling passes.

Brock · « **Reply #12507 on:** June 08, 2019, 03:19:16 PM »

I am actually attending a gym twice a week. DVA pays for it so why not

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12508 on:** June 08, 2019, 05:23:25 PM »

From this afternoons early News...

NASA is opening the Space Station to visitors.

It will 'only' cost $70 Million to get there, and they also have bargain rates of just $35 thousand per night to stay there.

I cant see too many people booking flights?

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #12509 on:** June 08, 2019, 05:27:38 PM »

I wonder if they have a room with a spa?

Bodø · « **Reply #12510 on:** June 08, 2019, 05:44:50 PM »

Don't bother venturing out. There is a distinct lack of atmosphere.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12511 on:** June 08, 2019, 06:23:39 PM »

Later News reports $50 thousand per night, minimum stay of 30 nights (1.5 $Million for accomodation per month)

I guess they can justify 'Out of this World' prices.

I wonder if there's a Maccas handy? Be cheaper to eat there... but DON'T order home delivery!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12512 on:** June 08, 2019, 09:40:28 PM »

The easiest way for a man to remember his anniversary date, is for him to get married on his birthday.

The easiest way to remember your wifes birthday, is to forget it just once.

I tried to avoid my ex's birthday (15 March) by moving to Queensland.... (Marches are illegal in Qld)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12513 on:** June 09, 2019, 03:22:34 AM »

Blonde said to her friend:
"Isn't it remarkable that George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus were all born on public holidays?"

Bodø · « **Reply #12514 on:** June 09, 2019, 05:04:05 AM »

But they weren't.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #12515 on:** June 09, 2019, 12:09:50 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 08, 2019, 09:40:28 PM

The easiest way for a man to remember his anniversary date, is for him to get married on his birthday.

I never forgot mine as it fell on the same day as the Port Arthur Massacre!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12516 on:** June 09, 2019, 12:15:23 PM »

Quote from: Bodø on June 09, 2019, 05:04:05 AM

But they weren't.

Tell that to the Blonde!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12517 on:** June 09, 2019, 02:49:31 PM »

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble, and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But the next morning, the bride staggered down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling with an alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years,
... and I thought he meant his money!!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12518 on:** June 09, 2019, 10:04:01 PM »

If Albert Einstein was alive today, he would be more famous for his age, than his IQ.

Bodø · « **Reply #12519 on:** June 09, 2019, 10:08:30 PM »

Could say the same about you.

Sorry... couldn't resist.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12520 on:** June 09, 2019, 10:11:18 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12521 on:** June 09, 2019, 11:46:34 PM »

A husband was engrossed in a magazine while his wife was reading the newspaper.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Get this," she said. "Some guy put an ad in here offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmmmm," her husband mumbled, still engrossed in his magazine.
Wanting to test him, she asked, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not!" he said.
"That's so sweet," she replied. "Tell me why not."
"Not worth it!" he replied. "The season's damn near over!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12522 on:** June 10, 2019, 01:36:29 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12523 on:** June 10, 2019, 01:41:17 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12524 on:** June 10, 2019, 01:44:00 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5826241 times)

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø