Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5823035 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14725 on:** October 26, 2019, 09:59:48 AM »

19 mm of rain in past 12 hours, plenty of enthusiasm overnight by clouds in their thunderwear.
12.5 degrees at present, with gusty wind chill feels like 3.3 degrees.
Still some light passing showers, not exactly suitable weather to straddle the saddle.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14726 on:** October 26, 2019, 01:55:23 PM »

Dear liberals, stop crying about being called a snowflake.

In 20 years, nobody will remember what snowflakes are anyway.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14727 on:** October 26, 2019, 01:57:05 PM »

Can’t really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming.

He’s permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14728 on:** October 26, 2019, 02:04:47 PM »

Just bought one of those Eco friendly cars, it runs on ferret piss.

My wife borrowed it,

stupid bitch filled it with Weasel.

Shillas · « **Reply #14729 on:** October 26, 2019, 08:03:17 PM »

My wife is incredibly smart.

When I called her from my mates phone the other day, she answered with, " Hi honey".

She already knew it was me.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14730 on:** October 26, 2019, 08:11:38 PM »

Clever girl!

NTRebel · « **Reply #14731 on:** October 26, 2019, 09:05:57 PM »

Quote from: Shillas on October 26, 2019, 08:03:17 PM

My wife is incredibly smart.

When I called her from my mates phone the other day, she answered with, " Hi honey".

She already knew it was me.

Maybe you should have rung her from a payphone.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14732 on:** October 27, 2019, 12:43:56 AM »

Got sick of rubbing my wife's feet, so the last time she asked I finally told her no, and let me tell you...

...hell hath no fury like a woman's corns.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14733 on:** October 27, 2019, 12:52:46 AM »

I was tickling my son's little feet, when my wife woke up and started yelling at me...

Something about, "Waiting until he's born..."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14734 on:** October 27, 2019, 03:06:54 AM »

So I recently saw that new movie, "Five Feet Apart".

Pretty good, and I hear there's talk of a sequel!

Probably gonna call it "Six Feet Under"

Bodø · « **Reply #14735 on:** October 27, 2019, 04:11:38 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 27, 2019, 03:06:54 AM

So I recently saw that new movie, "Five Feet Apart".

Pretty good, and I hear there's talk of a sequel!

Probably gonna call it "Six Feet Under"

By then they'll have gone full circle since having "One Foot In The Grave".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14736 on:** October 27, 2019, 07:51:23 AM »

American dogs have 4 feet.

Do dogs all over the rest of the world have 1.22 metres?

Bodø · « **Reply #14737 on:** October 27, 2019, 08:52:12 AM »

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said to me just before he kicked the bucket.

He said " How far you reckon I can kick this bucket?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14738 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:01:32 AM »

Wouldn't you like to see this riders charge sheet!

Probably take 3 weeks to read it in court!!! ... and all with a pillion! HO LEAF HUCK!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgo9Dl2gsqM&t=1s

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14739 on:** October 27, 2019, 12:20:06 PM »

I will be in and out of the thread this week, I have a series of GP and specialists medical appointments, starting 8.30 tomorrow morning.

All good, no panic.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #14740 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:06:00 PM »

The Penis Poem

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal
is now my water spout!
Time was when, on its own
from my trousers it would spring,
But now its just a full time job
to find the "f"ing thing!
It used to be embarrassing
the way it would behave,
For every single morning
it would stand & watch me shave!
Now as old age approaches,
it sure gives me the blues,
to see it hang its little head
& watch me tie my shoes!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14741 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:13:51 PM »

Alas, I know that feeling well...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14742 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:21:37 PM »

I once told this woman I was 6 feet 3 inches.

I didn't tell her that it was two separate measurements...

Wild Rose · « **Reply #14743 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:24:32 PM »

Quote from: ruSTynutz on October 27, 2019, 10:06:00 PM

The Penis Poem

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14744 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:31:18 PM »

It was really hot today.
It was so hot that I took all my clothes off and opened all the windows.

I felt great, but I don't think the other people on the bus were too impressed.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14745 on:** October 27, 2019, 10:35:27 PM »

Here's a joke for Bodø to snag.

I went to sleep on a bus the other day, but some woman started screaming abuse at me.

I don't think she understands just how exhausting it is to drive a bus?

Bodø · « **Reply #14746 on:** October 28, 2019, 03:50:15 AM »

Who say you have to sleep for someone to yell abouse at you? Sometimes you just have to open the door...

or take your time doing it when it is bucketing down outside.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14747 on:** October 28, 2019, 03:56:03 AM »

« **Reply #14748 on:** October 28, 2019, 04:00:23 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 27, 2019, 10:31:18 PM

opened all the windows.

I felt great, but I don't think the other people on the bus were too impressed.

I hate pricks that open the windows, especially when it's 35°C outside and the aircon is (was) working fine. So you go down the back and close them and they then ask why. Do I really have to explain how airconditioning works to retards in this day and age? Grrr. Other times I turn the aircon to vents and let the bus become a mobile sauna.

NTRebel · « **Reply #14749 on:** October 28, 2019, 07:56:22 AM »

You can't open the windows on the buses up here unless you smash your fist through them.

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Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5823035 times)

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