Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 363717 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15700 on: December 09, 2019, 02:53:47 PM »
I woke up grumpy this morning.


She hates it when I call her that, but she was.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15701 on: December 09, 2019, 03:01:52 PM »
I just got a new job and I start tomorrow. This morning I realised I needed a new pair of shoes and a new shirt.
I got up, drank some coffee went to Walmart. The sign on the door said, "NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE" so I went home.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15702 on: December 09, 2019, 03:04:57 PM »
After the past 4 days of really nice weather here, including this morning, it's now raining again.
Is Summer over already?



*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15703 on: December 09, 2019, 03:12:31 PM »
Saw my dwarf neighbour at the bus stop this morning... So I stopped and said "Jump in, I'll give you a lift..."

"RACK OFF" he screamed at me....

'What an ungrateful bugger!', I thought, as i zipped up my backpack, and continued walking.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15704 on: December 09, 2019, 03:41:07 PM »
Two bodies were found inside a trunk this morning.

Police are seeking help from the public,
~ particularly in locating the rest of the elephant.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15705 on: December 09, 2019, 04:28:38 PM »
It's a neverending tusk.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15706 on: December 09, 2019, 04:32:41 PM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15707 on: December 09, 2019, 04:36:47 PM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15708 on: December 09, 2019, 07:11:48 PM »
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a litre or two of water before going to sleep.

That will give you a reason to get up in the morning.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15709 on: December 09, 2019, 07:12:51 PM »
This morning I woke up to tap on the door.


My plumber has a weird sense of humour.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15710 on: December 09, 2019, 07:15:08 PM »
A man goes to his doctor: "Help me Doc! ...  I woke up this morning and I've lost my voice!"

Doctor: "Good morning sir. How may I help you?"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15711 on: December 09, 2019, 07:16:01 PM »
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a litre or two of water before going to sleep.

That will give you a reason to get up in the morning.

There's a bike in my shed.  That's all the reason I need.
 
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Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15712 on: December 09, 2019, 07:16:52 PM »
This morning I woke up to tap on the door.
My plumber has a weird sense of humour.

Nice of him to force it on you.









Think about it.  :think1
 
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Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15713 on: December 09, 2019, 07:17:39 PM »
A man goes to his doctor: "Help me Doc! ...  I woke up this morning and I've lost my voice!"

Doctor: "Good morning sir. How may I help you?"

How did he book an appointment or get past the receptionist?
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15714 on: December 09, 2019, 07:21:42 PM »
I bought a time travel machine next April.

They no longer make them like they are going to.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2019, 01:59:10 AM by Kev Murphy »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15715 on: December 09, 2019, 07:25:48 PM »
You're ahead of your time.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15716 on: December 10, 2019, 02:03:38 AM »
Attention America! We Brits have your President!

If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning....

We’ll return him
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15717 on: December 10, 2019, 02:06:20 AM »
Some people wake up to find messages on their phone, like “Good morning baby”

I wake up with “Battery full, Remove charger”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15718 on: December 10, 2019, 02:09:35 AM »
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached her very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won't be able to talk properly for a while.

The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said,

“Doo to thircumsthanthis beyond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15719 on: December 10, 2019, 02:13:23 AM »
Chuck Norris was shot this morning.


According to the news report, the bullet is in a critical condition.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15720 on: December 10, 2019, 02:15:04 AM »
Insolence!

My neighbour rang my doorbell at 1 o'clock in the morning!

I could barely hear it over my hammer drill.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15721 on: December 10, 2019, 02:19:05 AM »
On July 22nd a woman went to the hospital emergency room, thinking she had a Cancer.

Labour took longer than expected however, and instead she had a Leo on July 23rd.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15722 on: December 10, 2019, 02:26:06 AM »
When Kim Kardashian went to the beach, Police arrested and charged her with plastic pollution.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15723 on: December 10, 2019, 03:39:30 AM »
A man awoke in the hospital, and asked "Was I brought in here to die?"

The male nurse replied "Nah, mate! Ambo's brung you here yesterdie!"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15724 on: December 10, 2019, 03:54:43 AM »
Today in the Gulf Stream, two dolphins were caught cheating on their significant others, and in the Australian surf, a humpback whale gave the term new meaning when he was found in the fins of a beluga.


I like to stay on top of current affairs.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken. I survived.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960