Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5579733 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9600 on:** October 23, 2018, 06:32:07 AM »

Why did Donald Trump cross the road?

Is there any reason for anything that he says or does?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9601 on:** October 23, 2018, 07:58:04 AM »

A doorknocker asked me me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?"

I thought "That's all I need, a Je-Hoover witness".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9602 on:** October 23, 2018, 11:00:55 AM »

Getting older brings a whole new meaning to the term 'The wee hours of the morning'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9603 on:** October 23, 2018, 10:54:09 PM »

So there's this guy who plays golf with his buddies every weekend, and his wife keeps bugging him to take her along and teach her to play.
He finally relents, and the following Sunday finds them on the first tee.

She's never played, so he tells her to go down to the ladies tees, watch him drive, and then try to do like he did.
She goes down to the reds, the guy hooks his drive, and the ball hits his wife, killing her.

At the inquiry the coroner says, "It's the damnest thing I ever saw. There's an imprint on her temple, and you can read "Bridgestone E6"
"That was my ball," the guy said.
"What I don't understand," the coroner continued, "is the other imprint on her hip, that also says "Bridgestone E6."
"Oh," the guy replied, "That was my mulligan!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9604 on:** October 23, 2018, 11:06:59 PM »

President Trump was asked if he would ever give Amnesty to illegals?

"Hell, NO!" he replied "Its absolutely terrible for anyone to lose their memory, illegal or not!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9605 on:** October 24, 2018, 10:27:47 AM »

Aimara the Mexican maid announced that she was quitting.
When asked why, she replied, "I in family way."
Mrs Blanco was totally surprised, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," Aimara explained, "I go to library to clean it and your husband he say, 'You are in way!'
I go to living room to clean and your son he say 'You are in way!'
So I in family way, and I quit."

Gadget · « **Reply #9606 on:** October 24, 2018, 07:34:42 PM »

192 to go.

You'll have to get busy to meet Bodø prediction.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9607 on:** October 25, 2018, 11:58:44 AM »

I'm sick of the media claiming female sports athletes are supermodels, when they're clearly only sixes at best.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9608 on:** October 25, 2018, 12:07:25 PM »

A math professor was administering the final exam to his students.

He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class period, the professor handed out the results.
This particular student got back his test, and $63 change.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9609 on:** October 25, 2018, 12:15:20 PM »

Basketball player LeBron James has three children.

This gives him the NBA record for most kids with the same woman!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9610 on:** October 25, 2018, 03:31:47 PM »

Did you know that as a child, Ray Charles had a full adventure playground and a pool in his back yard?

... Neither did he.

Biggles · « **Reply #9611 on:** October 25, 2018, 03:34:36 PM »

Quote from: Gadget on October 24, 2018, 07:34:42 PM

192 to go.

You'll have to get busy to meet Bodø prediction.

He doesn't need any encouragement!!

Bodø · « **Reply #9612 on:** October 25, 2018, 03:54:15 PM »

If he fails I win.

Gadget · « **Reply #9613 on:** October 25, 2018, 09:30:42 PM »

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9614 on:** October 26, 2018, 04:40:24 AM »

Hillary has suggested a special toll free number be set up for women to call in allegations about Trumps past.

You know, if they make it a 1300 number, and charge $1.95 a minute, the current US budget deficit will be back in the black within a couple of weeks.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9615 on:** October 26, 2018, 10:05:02 AM »

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland.
They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman
performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.

When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded:
"Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes.
Just what are you going to do to punish me?"

Brock · « **Reply #9616 on:** October 26, 2018, 09:07:39 PM »

Time to cool down gents,

Politics are not to be discussed in this thread, its a fun place only.

Offending posts have been removed.

Shillas · « **Reply #9617 on:** October 26, 2018, 11:23:38 PM »

Well I obviously missed the responses to the original post & my initial response that may have sparked a debate.

Brock, does it affect our post count??

Bodø · « **Reply #9618 on:** October 26, 2018, 11:28:24 PM »

Quote from: Brock on October 26, 2018, 09:07:39 PM

Offending posts have been removed.

Who was offended?

Brock · « **Reply #9619 on:** October 26, 2018, 11:28:42 PM »

Quote

Brock, does it affect our post count??

Some may have lost a count or two, but I could remove an extra 900 or so if you like...

Quote

Who was offended?

Offending as in being norty, or the possibility of being norty. Not as in causing offense..

One of the few times I strike hard to prevent any heated comments, I dont like to be over enthusiastic in moderating..

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9620 on:** October 27, 2018, 12:46:38 AM »

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 5 cents."
"Five cents??!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Ten cents," he replies.
"Ten cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same thing as what I'm doing to his business."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9621 on:** October 27, 2018, 12:52:32 AM »

The best part of Valentines Day is the day after, when all the chocolate is discounted.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9622 on:** October 27, 2018, 04:06:19 AM »

Yep! She's blonde.

Was having a coffee at a friends home a couple days ago when a news report on TV spoke of finding a near-intact shipwreck in the Black Sea that is more than 2,400 years old.

In all seriousness, his wife said "How can that be? ... it's only 2018 now?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9623 on:** October 27, 2018, 04:11:47 AM »

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9624 on:** October 27, 2018, 04:14:44 AM »

America.

It's a great country, but it's a strange culture. .
.. This has got to be the only country in the world that could ever come up with a disease like bulimia; gotta be the only country in the world where some people have no food at all, and other people eat a nourishing meal and then puke it up intentionally?

This is a country where tobacco kills four hundred thousand people a year, so they ban artificial sweeteners, because a rat died!

This is the place where gun store owners are given a list of stolen credit cards, but not a list of criminals and maniacs!
And now, they're thinking about banning toy guns - and they want to keep the real ones?

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5579733 times)

Bodø

Bodø