Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Kev Murphy]

President Trump has called for a complete overhaul of the tax code.

He said he was shocked to find out that some millionaires in this country were still paying taxes.

[Kev Murphy]

6 weeks before the last Presidential election, Hillary Clinton said that she had no intention of running for president.

See, this is kind of like her version of "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

[Kev Murphy]

Bill Shorten has made some new alterations to his campaign bus.

In the event that he starts speaking, oxygen masks fall from the ceiling to keep people awake.

[Kev Murphy]

According to a Gallup poll, 17% of those asked still have a favorable opinion of Michael Jackson.

That may not sound like much, but it's still way more than any of the candidates running for Prime Minister

[Kev Murphy]

Blast from the past.

Returning to Melbourne from Western Australia in an Army convoy in late 70's, we pulled into the servo at Balladonia to refuel the trucks. Drums of fuel had been delivered to the servo for this purpose, but we had to pump it by hand.

There were around 130 military personnel involved, and we headed for the 'munchies' section.
Then we found out the cost! ... Pie and sauce, $4.40! ($1.15 in Melbourne)
I asked one of the locals at the pumps what a pie normally cost, and he replied "About $1.60?"
Allowing for the fact that Balladonia is isolated, that seemed reasonable, so the word was rapidly passed around that we were being ripped off by the servo, and all sales immediately ceased. We opened ration packs, and ate them while sitting outside.

The Operators had known that we would be there to refuel for awhile, roughly knew how many soldiers were involved, and had stocked up accordingly thinking that they had 'captive' customers.

[Kev Murphy]

A tad damp outside at present, had 10mm of rain here since 4pm.

[NTRebel]

Dry as a whisle up here Kev.

A tad damp outside at present, had 10mm of rain here since 4pm.

[Bodø]

A tad damp outside at present, had 10mm of rain here since 4pm.

We had a revolving door of everything in Adelaide yesterday.

[Kev Murphy]

A Lawyer was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend a case.

The judge ordered: "You are to confer with the defendant in the conference room, and give him the best legal advice you can."

After a time, the lawyer re-entered the courtroom alone.

The judge asked: "Where is the defendant?"

He replied, "You asked me to give him good advice.
... I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to make a run for it!"

[Kev Murphy]

Mothers Day on 12th, ... MUTHAS! day 18th.

[Kev Murphy]

Saw my fat lady neighbour at Bunnings, buying paint rollers.

Always wondered how she put her lipstick on...?

[Kev Murphy]

McCains Healthy meals are 97% fat free.

Clive Palmer isn't.
 
 

[Bodø]

Mothers Day on 12th, ... MUTHAS! day 18th.

May?  All I can think of is an RTE in Balranald.

[Kev Murphy]

What the present income-tax form needs is a section which would explain the explanations.

When making out your income-tax report, be sure you don't overlook your most expensive dependent - the government.

It has almost reached the point where, if a person takes a day off, he falls behind in his income-tax payments.

Income-tax forms are nothing more than the government's quiz program.

Some of us can recall the day when a person who had to pay income tax was considered to be wealthy.

No stretch of the imagination is as complete as the one used in filling out income-tax forms.

Income tax is the fine you pay for thriving so fast.

[Kev Murphy]

Friend ran out of wine, decided to use his new phone app .... ordered home delivery of a Cab Sav.

Knock on the door, and there stood a Uber driver with a sausage!

[Kev Murphy]

Theres a very old axiom, "A penny saved is a penny earned."

But that was before the GST was forced upon us.

... Plus a general service charge.

[Kev Murphy]

Constipated people don't give a crap.

[Kev Murphy]

Saw a car at woolies this morning with personalised plates.

Holden, I think, Rego was K8SBMR
(Kates Beamer)
very clever

[Kev Murphy]

He's smiling because the snow-blower is approaching...

[Kev Murphy]

What is the origin of the word "Boob"?

The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo" is the front view, the "b" is the side view.

[Kev Murphy]

The Devil visited Bill Shorten and made him an offer.

"I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income three-fold. Voters will love you;
your Party will always respect you; you'll have 5 months of paid vacation each year, and live to be a hundred and ten.
 ... All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for all of eternity."

Bill thought for a moment, then asked: "What's the catch?" he asked.

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

The only difference between a Politician and a trampoline, is that you take your boots off before you jump on the trampoline.

[Kev Murphy]

I'm trying to decide which came first ...

- the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg?

[Kev Murphy]

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."