Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 4158713 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12200 on: May 07, 2019, 01:57:19 PM »
President Trump has called for a complete overhaul of the tax code.

He said he was shocked to find out that some millionaires in this country were still paying taxes.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12201 on: May 07, 2019, 02:01:10 PM »
6 weeks before the last Presidential election, Hillary Clinton said that she had no intention of running for president.

See, this is kind of like her version of "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12202 on: May 07, 2019, 02:16:45 PM »
Bill Shorten has made some new alterations to his campaign bus.

In the event that he starts speaking, oxygen masks fall from the ceiling to keep people awake.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12203 on: May 07, 2019, 02:20:53 PM »
According to a Gallup poll, 17% of those asked still have a favorable opinion of Michael Jackson.

That may not sound like much, but it's still way more than any of the candidates running for Prime Minister

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12204 on: May 07, 2019, 07:37:30 PM »
Blast from the past.

Returning to Melbourne from Western Australia in an Army convoy in late 70's, we pulled into the servo at Balladonia to refuel the trucks. Drums of fuel had been delivered to the servo for this purpose, but we had to pump it by hand.

There were around 130 military personnel involved, and we headed for the 'munchies' section.
Then we found out the cost! ... Pie and sauce, $4.40! ($1.15 in Melbourne)
I asked one of the locals at the pumps what a pie normally cost, and he replied "About $1.60?"
Allowing for the fact that Balladonia is isolated, that seemed reasonable, so the word was rapidly passed around that we were being ripped off by the servo, and all sales immediately ceased. We opened ration packs, and ate them while sitting outside.

The Operators had known that we would be there to refuel for awhile, roughly knew how many soldiers were involved, and had stocked up accordingly thinking that they had 'captive' customers.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12205 on: May 07, 2019, 07:44:59 PM »
A tad damp outside at present, had 10mm of rain here since 4pm.

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12206 on: May 07, 2019, 10:06:49 PM »
Dry as a whisle up here Kev.

A tad damp outside at present, had 10mm of rain here since 4pm.


I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12207 on: May 08, 2019, 05:09:01 AM »
A tad damp outside at present, had 10mm of rain here since 4pm.

We had a revolving door of everything in Adelaide yesterday.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12208 on: May 08, 2019, 10:14:16 AM »
A Lawyer was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend a case.

The judge ordered: "You are to confer with the defendant in the conference room, and give him the best legal advice you can."

After a time, the lawyer re-entered the courtroom alone.

The judge asked: "Where is the defendant?"

He replied, "You asked me to give him good advice.
... I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to make a run for it!"

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12209 on: May 08, 2019, 02:36:17 PM »
Mothers Day on 12th, ... MUTHAS! day 18th.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12210 on: May 08, 2019, 03:03:30 PM »
Saw my fat lady neighbour at Bunnings, buying paint rollers.

Always wondered how she put her lipstick on...?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12211 on: May 08, 2019, 03:18:18 PM »
McCains Healthy meals are 97% fat free.

Clive Palmer isn't.
 
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12212 on: May 08, 2019, 03:30:40 PM »
Mothers Day on 12th, ... MUTHAS! day 18th.

May?  All I can think of is an RTE in Balranald.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12213 on: May 08, 2019, 11:04:56 PM »
What the present income-tax form needs is a section which would explain the explanations.

When making out your income-tax report, be sure you don't overlook your most expensive dependent - the government.

It has almost reached the point where, if a person takes a day off, he falls behind in his income-tax payments.

Income-tax forms are nothing more than the government's quiz program.

Some of us can recall the day when a person who had to pay income tax was considered to be wealthy.

No stretch of the imagination is as complete as the one used in filling out income-tax forms.

Income tax is the fine you pay for thriving so fast.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12214 on: May 09, 2019, 01:08:44 AM »
Friend ran out of wine, decided to use his new phone app .... ordered home delivery of a Cab Sav.

Knock on the door, and there stood a Uber driver with a sausage!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12215 on: May 09, 2019, 03:34:26 AM »
Theres a very old axiom, "A penny saved is a penny earned."

But that was before the GST was forced upon us.

... Plus a general service charge.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12216 on: May 09, 2019, 03:48:13 AM »
Constipated people don't give a crap.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12217 on: May 09, 2019, 10:35:50 AM »
Saw a car at woolies this morning with personalised plates.

Holden, I think, Rego was K8SBMR
(Kates Beamer)
very clever
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12218 on: May 09, 2019, 10:49:11 AM »
He's smiling because the snow-blower is approaching...

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12219 on: May 09, 2019, 11:32:53 AM »
What is the origin of the word "Boob"?

The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo" is the front view, the "b" is the side view.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12220 on: May 09, 2019, 05:10:49 PM »
The Devil visited Bill Shorten and made him an offer.

"I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income three-fold. Voters will love you;
your Party will always respect you; you'll have 5 months of paid vacation each year, and live to be a hundred and ten.
 ... All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for all of eternity."

Bill thought for a moment, then asked: "What's the catch?" he asked.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12221 on: May 09, 2019, 06:52:47 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12222 on: May 10, 2019, 01:36:54 AM »
The only difference between a Politician and a trampoline, is that you take your boots off before you jump on the trampoline.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12223 on: May 10, 2019, 08:35:34 AM »
I'm trying to decide which came first ...

- the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12224 on: May 10, 2019, 05:34:33 PM »
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

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