Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 342887 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12825 on: June 13, 2019, 07:11:59 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12826 on: June 13, 2019, 09:35:37 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12827 on: June 13, 2019, 09:37:12 AM »
Women’s shampoo: "Exclusively for curly, blonde, fragile hair."

Men’s shampoo: "4 in 1 - for hair, body, dishes, and car wash."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12828 on: June 13, 2019, 09:46:15 AM »
Husband removing hot food from oven shouts: "Ow!!!!" and starts hopping around.

Wife: "Did you burn yourself?"

"No! Where I come from, we always greet food from the oven with a traditional dance and loud singing!"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12829 on: June 13, 2019, 10:05:16 AM »
British motorcycle cops exercising their sense of humour, while escorting Trump during his recent visit.

*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12830 on: June 13, 2019, 11:37:45 AM »
At the crash repair workshop:

Customer: “Can you repair my car?”

Repair man: “I believe we can, if we screw a replacement car in between the number plates.”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12831 on: June 13, 2019, 11:56:20 AM »
So it was Jim’s first time leaving Europe, he was excited about visiting America and expanding his horizons.
“Excuse me”, said a woman to him at the airport. “Do you happen to be traveling to America?”
“As a matter of fact I am” responded Jim.
“Do me a favor, my husband went to America 2 months ago and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. If you meet a fellow named John Dun, tell him to call his wife.”
Jim happily agreed and was on his way.

He was barely in America for a hour when he saw a big building with the words Dun Watches,
“Wow!” thought Jim “that was easy.”
Jim walked into the building and asked the lady behind the desk “do you have a John here?”
“Second door on the left,” was her reply.
Jim saw a man walking out of the door drying his hands “are you Dun?” he asked.
“Yes” came the mystified reply.
“Call your wife,” said Jim, “she’s been waiting to hear from you.”

*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12832 on: June 13, 2019, 01:29:43 PM »
A couple went to a restaurant, and the wife excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
 
In the meantime, the waiter approached to take their order.
 
The husband said, “I’ll have a beer.”
 
The waiter asked: “And what about your wife? Do you want a beer for her?”
 
Man: “You know what?, that’s a fair trade. Deal!"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12833 on: June 13, 2019, 01:33:04 PM »
“OMG what happened to his face? It’s all swollen!”
-
“He ate chocolate.”
-
“Is he allergic?”
-
“No, but it was MY chocolate.”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12834 on: June 13, 2019, 01:37:03 PM »
Little Johnny drives with his uncle in his new Mercedes. He asks him, “Uncle Bob, what is that star at the front for?”
-
Uncle Bob chuckles patronizingly, “It helps me run down old people.”
He prolongs the joke by swerving a hair’s width away from an old man on a bike, and pretends to be angry he missed him.
-
Little Johnny says, “You know, uncle Bob, I don't think your star is working properly. If I didn’t open the door at the last second, we would have missed him completely!”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12835 on: June 13, 2019, 01:46:55 PM »
Air transportation is the most reliable means of travel ever invented.

It hasn't happened yet that an airplane didn't make it back down again.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12836 on: June 13, 2019, 03:28:34 PM »
One prison guard to the other: “Have you heard that prisoner 234 broke out yesterday?!”

The other guard: “Thank goodness. Finally the hammering racket he's been making stops.”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12837 on: June 13, 2019, 05:01:59 PM »
The worst thing about parallel parking are the eyewitnesses.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12838 on: June 13, 2019, 05:03:10 PM »
One way to eliminate the Jihadi problem, and fast, would be to persuade the Chinese black market that Jihadist testicles are a super powerful aphrodisiac.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12839 on: June 13, 2019, 05:05:57 PM »
If the guy at the ATM in front of me takes any longer, I’m going to ask him what level he’s on now.
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Online STeveo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12840 on: June 13, 2019, 05:28:15 PM »
One way to eliminate the Jihadi problem, and fast, would be to persuade the Chinese black market that Jihadist testicles are a super powerful aphrodisiac.
:rofl :rofl :-++
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12841 on: June 13, 2019, 06:50:42 PM »
Judge: “Your choice now, Mr. Daly. 30 days in prison or a $2,000 payment.”

Offender: “That’s just awesome. I’ll take the money, please.”
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12842 on: June 13, 2019, 06:52:03 PM »
In World War II, the Soviets used the raised fist,
the Germans the raised hand,
and the Americans the two fingers of V for victory as a greeting.

Sounds suspiciously like a secret game of rock, paper, scissors to me?
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12843 on: June 13, 2019, 06:57:12 PM »
Wife: "Darling, it was such a hard day, today.
Can you tell me the three magical words that always make me feel happy?"
-
Husband: "You are right."
-
Wife: "Very funny, no, the other ones."
-
Husband: "I was wrong."
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12844 on: June 13, 2019, 07:10:34 PM »
Her:– What are you doing?

Him:– I’m cleaning the windows, you can barely see anything through them anymore!

Her:– You stay out of my garden, or I’m calling the police!
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
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Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12845 on: June 13, 2019, 08:42:55 PM »
I remember her.  When I cook you breakfast in bed a simple thank you would surfice, not the :how did you get in my house?" rubbish.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12846 on: June 14, 2019, 12:26:56 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12847 on: June 14, 2019, 12:34:13 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12848 on: June 14, 2019, 04:01:53 AM »
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12849 on: June 14, 2019, 08:57:09 AM »
She came home from shopping, feeling down.
"Someone called me fat!" she said.

"Aw, c'mon now," I replied, "Chin up!
 - No ... the other one!"
*YAWN*.... beautiful day.... where's my keys?
Bruised and bent, not broken.
0428 306 496
http://ozstoc.com/index.php?topic=2651.msg112526#msg112526
Bike and car Licence since 1964, first bike 147 cc Francis Barnett Plover 1960