Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5823820 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13300 on: August 11, 2019, 10:30:44 AM »
My friend used to have a nice car and a nice house until he was introduced to drugs.

Now he owns a City condo, and a resort on a Caribbean island, lives in a mansion, and has a fleet of limos with drivers.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13301 on: August 11, 2019, 10:41:00 AM »
A woman gave birth at the seashore.


Son of a beach!
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13302 on: August 11, 2019, 12:16:50 PM »
A'hoy, me hearties!

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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13303 on: August 11, 2019, 12:25:01 PM »
10.7°C  falling  ( It did reach 10.8, practically a heat wave! )

Updated at 12:10 EST

Dew Point      4.8°C   rising
Feels Like      0.5°C
Relative Humidity      67%
Wind   
SSE 46km/h   rising
Wind Gusts      56km/h

No rain since late last night, I think it has frozen to the clouds?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13304 on: August 11, 2019, 12:31:48 PM »
It's weird to see shadows on the ground, and so many cars driving around without their headlights on at this time of day?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13305 on: August 11, 2019, 12:43:44 PM »
so many cars driving around without their headlights on

Probably the thing that pissed me off the most on my double bordr run.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13306 on: August 11, 2019, 12:45:53 PM »
A battery salesperson named Lenore

Loved her job, but loved the beach more.

She devised such a way

to combine work and play:

She sells C-cells by the seashore.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13307 on: August 11, 2019, 12:49:12 PM »
Just beware of the current.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13308 on: August 11, 2019, 02:01:52 PM »
Watt
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13309 on: August 11, 2019, 02:06:13 PM »
Resistance is futile.
 
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13310 on: August 11, 2019, 02:09:14 PM »
Don't be so negative!

  2005 Honda ST1300A
 
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13311 on: August 11, 2019, 02:23:56 PM »
Ooh that hertz.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13312 on: August 11, 2019, 02:59:51 PM »
C'mon, guys... series-ously?
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13313 on: August 11, 2019, 03:01:02 PM »
It's not terminal.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13314 on: August 11, 2019, 03:12:34 PM »
Be positive, we still have the capacity for electrical thoughts.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13315 on: August 11, 2019, 03:25:08 PM »
You and Rusty are poles apart.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13316 on: August 11, 2019, 03:27:26 PM »
North or south
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13317 on: August 11, 2019, 03:31:30 PM »
You and Rusty are poles apart.

Not really, Nowakowski only lives 4 doors away?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13318 on: August 11, 2019, 03:41:57 PM »
His father used to tell us WW2 stories, of how they tried to migrate from Poland to the Netherlands, and hopefully reach England to escape the war.

"Ve vas valking along zis road, ven dese fockers come flying along 'BAM BAM BAM!' und shooting at der peoples on der road!"

"Focker Wolfs?" we asked.

"NoNoNO!" he replied "Zese fockers vos MESSERSCHMITTS!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13319 on: August 11, 2019, 03:44:28 PM »
You and Rusty are poles apart.

Not really, Nowakowski only lives 4 doors away?

You had better Czech, his name is Novák, and he fled the Soviets in the Prague spring.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13320 on: August 11, 2019, 03:54:02 PM »
There once was a rich man who was near death.
He was very much aggrieved because he had worked very hard for his money, and he wanted to be able to take it with him to Heaven.

So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth.

An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.”

The man implored the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The angel reappeared and announced that God had decided to make an exception and was allowing him to take one suitcase with him.

Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase, filled it with pure gold bars, and placed it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man died and showed up at the pearly gates.

St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!”

But the man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.

Sure enough, St. Peter returned, saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry- on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, “You brought paving stones?”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13321 on: August 11, 2019, 05:16:52 PM »
Three days after the death of Jesus.

Mary, after visiting the tomb runs to the disciples and says "He's gone! Jesus's body has disappeared."

Simon: "Maybe he was given UpJesus"

Mary: "What's UpJesus?"

Jesus {Risen}: "Not much. Wassup with you?"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13322 on: August 11, 2019, 05:20:26 PM »
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13323 on: August 11, 2019, 08:26:07 PM »
A speeding driver crashed and burned to death last night.

He was incarcinerated.
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Offline Gadget

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13324 on: August 11, 2019, 11:43:52 PM »
Ohm my God they Siemens like bad puns.

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