Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5824269 times)

Bodø · « **Reply #13400 on:** August 16, 2019, 02:29:20 PM »

They struck a chord, so she got off lightly with no strings attached.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13401 on:** August 16, 2019, 02:40:36 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13402 on:** August 16, 2019, 03:52:48 PM »

Ancient Egyptian tomb robber...

Breaks into a pyramid, pulls out an ankh and starts waving it around while screaming "Show me the mummy!"

Bodø · « **Reply #13403 on:** August 16, 2019, 06:34:24 PM »

How long before he made a prophet?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13404 on:** August 16, 2019, 06:45:39 PM »

Of corpse, maybe he had time for a de-coffin-ated drink while he wrapped it up?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13405 on:** August 16, 2019, 07:18:01 PM »

People who are killed in an earthquake, have they died by default?

Bodø · « **Reply #13406 on:** August 16, 2019, 07:19:42 PM »

Not sure, but it was certainly an earth shattering experience.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13407 on:** August 16, 2019, 07:37:19 PM »

An ancient Egyptian launched a successful stone quarry business several thousand years ago.

So, there's nothing new about pyramid schemes.

He ended up in denial over the allegations.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13408 on:** August 16, 2019, 07:39:35 PM »

Is there any truth in the rumour that Egyptians prefer Pharaoh-rochere chocolate?

Bodø · « **Reply #13409 on:** August 16, 2019, 08:48:20 PM »

No. You stand corrected... kudos to your Cairo practitioner.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13410 on:** August 16, 2019, 08:59:00 PM »

Is he the guy I saw about my bad back?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13411 on:** August 16, 2019, 10:59:57 PM »

A husband died.

A few years later, his wife died.

As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes.

"Darling, oh how I've missed you!"

The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him and says,

"Whoa there woman.... The contract was until death!"

Gadget · « **Reply #13412 on:** August 17, 2019, 01:34:00 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on August 15, 2019, 08:09:27 PM

You know, if they gave hurricanes names like ... 'Hurricane Death Megatron 9000' , I guarantee folks would evacuate like they are supposed to.

Our hang around for the theme park ride.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13413 on:** August 17, 2019, 02:19:53 AM »

The patron saint of security cameras,

... St Francis of a CCTV

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13414 on:** August 17, 2019, 02:21:53 AM »

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

... and if no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on their kitchen table.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13415 on:** August 17, 2019, 02:24:26 AM »

The local convent has no security around the building, so I helped myself.

No 'fence.

Nun taken.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13416 on:** August 17, 2019, 02:38:40 AM »

I went to the parking area at the hospital the other day.

The security guard stopped me and said "Sir this area is for badge holders only"

I said "That's why I'm here, I have a bad shoulder... "

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13417 on:** August 17, 2019, 08:52:22 AM »

I carefully typed in my new password, 'beefstew'.

My computer responded 'Not stroganoff'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13418 on:** August 17, 2019, 09:02:52 AM »

Somebody kept stealing my Amazon packages from my porch.

I ordered a security cam to deter/catch the culprit.

That package was stolen too.

The good news is that now my next door neighbour has a new camera that scans my porch.

Bodø · « **Reply #13419 on:** August 17, 2019, 09:36:05 AM »

Wait for it to conveniently fail.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13420 on:** August 17, 2019, 10:37:57 AM »

I see that Bodø is well on his diverse way to Cadell RTE.
Have a great meet to all attending.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13421 on:** August 17, 2019, 01:52:23 PM »

**How to install a southern style home security system**

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 15 men's work boots, and place them on your porch with a copy of *Guns & Ammo* magazine.
2. Place four of the biggest dog bowls you can find on the porch next to the boots and magazines.
3. Leave a note on the door that reads:

Bubba,

Me, Jimbo and Leroy went to get more beer and ammo. Be back in a bit. Don't mess with the pitbulls, they got the mailman real bad yesterday. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, locked 'em all in the house, so you better wait outside. Be right back.

-Cooter

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13422 on:** August 17, 2019, 02:03:32 PM »

My buddy down the south side of town has problems with his NBN connection.
He has had no internet or home phone or netflix etc, since early hours of Thursday morning.
I tried changing his router, and all cables, to prove that it was not a home fault.
When he contacted Telstra, he got some overseas 'guru' who suggested that he 'Please to be resetting your modem."
As if we had not already tried that.
Telstra denies that there is a problem, altho none of his immediate neighbours have internet either?

I gave him the NBN fault contact number yesterday morning, and they said that they will have a technician there by next Thursday.pm.???

FFS!... and this is what they call 'service'???

...I take it that they loosely use the word 'service', in the same way that a farmer takes his cows to a bull, to have them 'serviced'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13423 on:** August 17, 2019, 02:11:59 PM »

2 PM. Oh, WOW!

Temperature is now more than 4 times what it was here overnight.

It's now 13 degrees.

I feel that we are being denied Global Warming.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #13424 on:** August 17, 2019, 02:16:03 PM »

I was going to tell a joke about Social Security,

But then I realised that few were likely to get it.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5824269 times)

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø