Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5822708 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14625 on: October 19, 2019, 11:44:56 AM »
When does Sean Connery's accent provide more information than regular English?
When he's sitting on a toilet.

(and you just read that in his voice)
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14626 on: October 19, 2019, 08:36:15 PM »
Kim Jong Un didn't cry at his own fathers funeral.

Unbereavable...
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14627 on: October 19, 2019, 08:38:52 PM »
He didn't die at his uncles funeral either.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14628 on: October 19, 2019, 08:45:40 PM »
Mores the pity
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14629 on: October 20, 2019, 12:29:47 AM »
I was behind a fat girl in tight jeans at the supermarket checkout...
Her t-shirt said “Guess?”

I said, “ Oh I don’t know, 220 - 230 kilos?”
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14630 on: October 20, 2019, 01:17:14 AM »
I saw a policeman wearing a pilots uniform,
and thought it was a bit odd?

Musta been a plane clothes cop.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14631 on: October 20, 2019, 02:01:18 PM »
Why do we paint Easter eggs?

Be damned difficult trying to wallpaper them.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14632 on: October 20, 2019, 02:14:46 PM »
Why do we paint Easter eggs?

Be damned difficult trying to wallpaper them.

Kinder surprise wallpaper them without any problems.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14633 on: October 20, 2019, 04:36:53 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14634 on: October 20, 2019, 04:37:34 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14635 on: October 20, 2019, 04:39:48 PM »
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14636 on: October 20, 2019, 04:41:40 PM »
Whenever I see a man wearing a skirt, I run away.


It’s not that I’m homophobic, I’m just afraid he’ll start to play the bagpipes.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14637 on: October 20, 2019, 04:43:44 PM »
Way back then, if I wanted to see her panties, I had to lift her skirt.


Today, if I want to see her panties, I have to spread her butt cheeks.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14638 on: October 20, 2019, 04:48:18 PM »
Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama's new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter.
He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michele would go absolutely ballistic.

Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out.
"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."

"Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog."

They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked.
The Genie looked at the remains and shook his head. "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life.
Maybe there's something else you'd like?"

Bill thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I had an affair with this beautiful young girl called Monica," said Bill, showing the genie the first photo. "But I'm actually married to this woman called Hillary" and he showed the genie the second photo.
"You see Hillary isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make her look like Monica?"

The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Damn, let's have another look at that dog!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14639 on: October 20, 2019, 04:51:08 PM »
"Mom, I‘m almost 18 now. Ashley and Nicole always wear the hottest outfits in school, and their parents don‘t mind.
So please, please can I wear hi heels, the short black skirt and the cute white top tomorrow?"

"For the last time Robert, NO!!!!!"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14640 on: October 20, 2019, 04:53:12 PM »
Mary had a little skirt, with slits right up the sides
and every time she crossed her legs,
the boys could see her thighs!

Mary had another skirt, with a slit right up the front...

... but she never wore that one.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14641 on: October 20, 2019, 06:08:29 PM »
Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop when he was only 3 months old.

He was known as the pasta barista baby.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14642 on: October 20, 2019, 08:07:31 PM »
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Online Nigel

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14643 on: October 20, 2019, 08:10:52 PM »
Kev, you need to get back on the bike.  :grin :eek :butt :well :CB-- :spank
Only ever ride my own ride, helps me to stay above ground!
Nigel               0447333268
Mooroolbark But its a secret.
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14644 on: October 20, 2019, 09:05:11 PM »
Sure do, going stir crazy locked indoors. :angry-old-man-smiley-emoticon
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Online ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14645 on: October 20, 2019, 10:30:14 PM »
Lost the key, hey?  :p

  2005 Honda ST1300A
 
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14646 on: October 20, 2019, 11:53:37 PM »
Slowly re-assembling  the bike after I was wiped out by an idiot driver who believes that indicators automatically give you the right of way, Russ.

The old  "Why don't you watch where I am going" syndrome.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14647 on: October 21, 2019, 12:18:20 AM »
He played a sad, harmonica solo ...

The policeman took back the breathalyzer and asked... "How did you do that?"
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14648 on: October 21, 2019, 10:55:53 AM »
Sometimes I wish I could drown my troubles.

... but she refuses to go swimming with me.
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14649 on: October 21, 2019, 11:06:13 AM »
When Helen Keller misbehaved as a child, her parents punished her by rearranging the furniture.
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