Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 4158941 times)

Brock · « **Reply #19680 on:** August 11, 2020, 03:07:24 PM »

Did those calcs last week.

Some what relaxed by ten AM, online repeat order of mixed box twice daily for the next 6 months.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19681 on:** August 11, 2020, 03:58:38 PM »

Way to go!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19682 on:** August 11, 2020, 04:03:22 PM »

A math professor was administering the final exam to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class period, the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test, and $62 change.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19683 on:** August 11, 2020, 04:28:18 PM »

I watched a play on TV last night. It was one of those suspense plays.

It kept me wondering... what's on the other channels?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19684 on:** August 11, 2020, 05:49:55 PM »

Scam phone call ten minutes ago... claimed to be from ATO (again?)

Demanded to know my name to verify he had the right person.

I told him my surname was Jakov.

when he asked for my first name I replied Hugo.

He then said "Ah yes, that is the name I have here, Hugo Jakov"

I replied "No, HUGO Jakov!"

He was sort of confused, and didn't say anything, so I hung up.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19685 on:** August 11, 2020, 07:18:08 PM »

There will be a major baby boom over the next few months due to lockdown, and so in 2033, we shall see the Rise of the Quaranteens!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19686 on:** August 11, 2020, 07:26:20 PM »

Two boys were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked

One lad replied "We found a ten dollar note, and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie!"

The teacher said "You two should be ashamed of yourselves. When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was!"

The boys looked at each other, nodded, and gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19687 on:** August 11, 2020, 07:28:14 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19688 on:** August 11, 2020, 09:39:42 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19689 on:** August 11, 2020, 10:17:08 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19690 on:** August 11, 2020, 11:11:25 PM »

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19691 on:** August 11, 2020, 11:13:50 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19692 on:** August 12, 2020, 03:58:04 AM »

The reason that bad singers rock left and right while performing on stage is because it's harder to hit a moving target.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19693 on:** August 12, 2020, 10:15:33 AM »

The accountant reads the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she speaks up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19694 on:** August 12, 2020, 03:29:08 PM »

t's called "fast" food because you're supposed to eat it really fast.

Otherwise, you might actually taste it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19695 on:** August 12, 2020, 03:41:12 PM »

My Chinese friend was taken to hospital. I went to visit him the next day, and approached his bed to ask him how he felt.

He said weakly several times "Nǐ zhàn zài wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn shàng" , and then died.

I entered what he said into google translate when I returned home.

https://www.google.com/search?q=translate+chinese+to+english

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19696 on:** August 12, 2020, 06:01:07 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19697 on:** August 12, 2020, 06:10:23 PM »

At an Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been cancelled for the second year in a row,
but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.

One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot,
but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19698 on:** August 12, 2020, 06:28:54 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #19699 on:** August 12, 2020, 06:41:03 PM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 4158941 times)