Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 4158927 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29480 on:** April 18, 2021, 09:46:13 AM »

My entire life I've made the effort to become the thing people said I'd always be.

- I became a failure.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29481 on:** April 18, 2021, 10:00:04 AM »

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "No judge, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29482 on:** April 18, 2021, 12:51:00 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29483 on:** April 18, 2021, 12:54:50 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29484 on:** April 18, 2021, 12:58:22 PM »

So I volunteered for the Russian Vaccine Trial for Covid-19.
It's been kept very, very quiet for security reasons.

I received my first shot and wanted to let you know that it’s completely safe with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29485 on:** April 18, 2021, 12:59:51 PM »

The vaccine's trial should be done on all politicians first.

If they survive, the vaccine is safe.

If they don't, the country is safe.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29486 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:03:47 PM »

Some women are like vintage cars.

The older they get, maintenance costs increase alarmingly.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29487 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:05:29 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29488 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:08:05 PM »

He was on Trial for Murder.

The prosecutor said to him on the stand, "Did you kill that man?"

He said, "No."

Prosecutor said, "Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?"

He said, "Yeah, it's a lot less than the penalty for murder."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29489 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:09:18 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29490 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:11:19 PM »

And SHE has the hide to complain when I leave the seat up ??

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29491 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:13:15 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29492 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:19:05 PM »

The White House has announced that they are recruiting volunteers for phase three clinical trials of Clorox as a treatment for COVID-19. There are only two prerequisites for participants...
The participants must be at least 18 years old, and must be registered Democrats.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29493 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:21:45 PM »

Corona beer sales have plummeted, just because of the name similarity

Which I don't get??

I didn't stop drinking orange juice when O.J killed his wife.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29494 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:35:24 PM »

I don't understand why everyone is upset about the Russian vaccine not having a third clinical trial.

I was under the impression that giving it to millions of Russian citizens IS the trial?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29495 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:38:57 PM »

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities.

Atrophy, is what they present you with if you win something.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29496 on:** April 18, 2021, 01:53:41 PM »

An elderly lady was on trial for murder and the judge asked the woman to reitrate what had happend.

“Well, I had been on a date with this man, yes even at my age, and I asked him in for a cup of coffee. As we sat on the couch he put his arm around me.” The lady answered.

“That seems all straightforward and allright, unless you minded it of course“ said the judge.

“Oh not at all, your honor, I was actually getting quite flushed“ she said “Then he started touching my arms, then my breasts and finally he started caressing my thighs, and oh I was ready to let him have me right there on the couch!“ the lady said, now quite blushing.

“Ma’am, I still don’t understand how that got you into this courtroom!“ the judge said.

“Well“ she said quietly “just as I was getting up to undo my dress he said ‘April fool!!’ and that’s when I shot him!“

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29497 on:** April 18, 2021, 02:14:43 PM »

So I was taken to a courtroom for trial.

Judge: "State your name"

Me: "Not Guilty"

Judge: "What?"

Me: "I had my name legally changed."

Judge: "You're Not Guilty?"

Me: *\*moonwalks the hell out of there*/*

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29498 on:** April 18, 2021, 02:35:34 PM »

A man solved the problem of too many visiting relatives.

He borrowed money from the rich ones, and loaned it to the poor ones.

Now, none of them come back.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #29499 on:** April 18, 2021, 04:58:36 PM »

A desperate pilot contacts tower to say, "I am in a situation - 400 miles from land, 500 feet over water and fast running out of fuel. Please give instructions! "

"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 4158927 times)