Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 5822358 times)

Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91775 on: August 23, 2023, 11:36:52 PM »


















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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91776 on: August 23, 2023, 11:45:50 PM »
 

















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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91777 on: August 24, 2023, 01:01:58 AM »
Allegedly genuine extracts from letters sent to landlords:

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing their balls on the roof.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.
Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
















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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91778 on: August 24, 2023, 01:14:47 AM »
Witty One Liners

Dickson's Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought was H20 Was H2SO4.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91779 on: August 24, 2023, 03:04:33 AM »





















Odd Facts

Barbie's measurements (if she were life-size): 39-23-33
Coca-cola was originally green
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury
Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2) poodle; 3) golden retriever. Dumbest dog: afghan
The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters
First novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer"
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year
Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles PER YEAR
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs
Men get hiccups more often than women
Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better
Chances that an American lives within 50 mi of where he/she grew up: 1 in 2.
Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class: $440,000
City with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong
State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38
Estimated percentage of American adults who go on a diet each year: 44
Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36
Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43
City with the highest per capita viewership of TV evangelists: Washington DC
Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80
Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50
Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58
Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85
Number of different familial relationships for which Hallmark makes cards: 105
Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney World: 70
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches
Portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla: 1/3
Portion of potatoes sold that are French-fried: 1/3
Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonalds each day: 7
Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90
Percentage of mammal species that are: 3
Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary schools are above national average: 50
Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5
Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7
Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3
Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanan
Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt
Only president to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy, for "Profiles in Courage"
Only president awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals
President who discovered a new proof for The Pythagorean Theorem: Jimmy Carter
Only food that does not spoil: honey
Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird
Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica
Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: Pig
Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water
An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it
In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees
Polar bears are left-handed
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair
Eskimos never gamble
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910
The youngest pope was 11 years old
Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school
Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses
Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner
Your nose and ears never stop growing
Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined
The parachute was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1515
They have square watermelons in Japan ... they stack better
Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation
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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91780 on: August 24, 2023, 07:07:59 AM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91781 on: August 24, 2023, 10:53:11 AM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91782 on: August 24, 2023, 12:10:05 PM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91783 on: August 24, 2023, 12:53:17 PM »


















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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91784 on: August 24, 2023, 01:48:08 PM »


















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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91785 on: August 24, 2023, 03:09:44 PM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91786 on: August 24, 2023, 03:28:09 PM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91787 on: August 24, 2023, 06:22:29 PM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91788 on: August 24, 2023, 08:04:42 PM »


















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91789 on: August 24, 2023, 10:38:27 PM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91790 on: August 25, 2023, 01:13:46 AM »


















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Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91791 on: August 25, 2023, 03:30:31 AM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • Posts: 101343
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91792 on: August 25, 2023, 08:46:12 AM »























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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91793 on: August 25, 2023, 08:56:58 AM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91794 on: August 25, 2023, 10:25:07 AM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91795 on: August 25, 2023, 11:52:53 AM »


















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91796 on: August 25, 2023, 01:12:10 PM »




















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Offline Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91797 on: August 25, 2023, 02:44:21 PM »





















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Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • Posts: 101343
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91798 on: August 25, 2023, 04:17:48 PM »






















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Offline Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • Posts: 101343
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91799 on: August 25, 2023, 05:33:16 PM »






















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