Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3184913 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33401 on:** June 25, 2021, 03:04:48 AM »

The reason that your Maccas home delivery takes so long, and is cold when it arrives?
MenuLog drag their ass on deliveries!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33402 on:** June 25, 2021, 03:09:03 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33403 on:** June 25, 2021, 03:36:01 AM »

3.15am ... and the rain came hammering down! Short and sharp from the south. 3mm in 5 minutes.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33404 on:** June 25, 2021, 07:51:24 AM »

He said- What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said-Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33405 on:** June 25, 2021, 07:58:28 AM »

Outside Bristol Zoo there is a car park for 150 cars and 8 coaches.
There also used to be a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars £1 and coaches £2.10 shillings.
This parking attendant worked there for all of 25 years, then one day just didn't turn up for work...

"Ho hum", said Bristol Zoo Management - "better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant" ...... "Err no", said the Council, "that car park is your responsibility" ...
"Err no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?" ..... "Err NO!"

Sitting in his villa in Spain is a bloke who had been taking daily the car park fees amounting to an estimated £400+ per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33406 on:** June 25, 2021, 08:27:28 AM »

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33407 on:** June 25, 2021, 12:47:11 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33408 on:** June 25, 2021, 12:49:59 PM »

It's a beautiful spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's got on a close-fitting, low cut, pink summer dress with spaghetti straps.
As they walk thru the ape exhibit, and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, he grunts, he pounds his chest. He is obviously excited at the sight of the young lady in the sundress. The husband, noticing the apes excitement, suggests that his wife tease the ape. The husband suggests that she pucker her lips and wiggle her bottom. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then her husband suggests that she let one of the straps of her dress slips down. She does and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear down the bars. Her husband suggests she lift her dress up her thighs and she does. This about drives Mr. Gorilla crazy. Then quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the age, flings her inside with the gorilla, slams the door shut and gleefully rubbing his hands together says: "Now, tell him you have a bloody headache."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33409 on:** June 25, 2021, 12:51:02 PM »

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries.
After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33410 on:** June 25, 2021, 12:53:16 PM »

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished." Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture".
He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33411 on:** June 25, 2021, 01:09:32 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33412 on:** June 25, 2021, 01:15:12 PM »

People who want to share their religious views with you on your doorstep never want you to share yours with them.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33413 on:** June 25, 2021, 01:17:12 PM »

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33414 on:** June 25, 2021, 01:18:28 PM »

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33415 on:** June 25, 2021, 01:19:22 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33416 on:** June 25, 2021, 01:20:13 PM »

The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33417 on:** June 25, 2021, 03:34:33 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33418 on:** June 25, 2021, 03:59:03 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33419 on:** June 25, 2021, 04:15:17 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33420 on:** June 25, 2021, 05:50:21 PM »

.. and so, the sun sets on yet another cold, wet, miserable day.

No wonder I have no motivation to do anything.

Brock · « **Reply #33421 on:** June 25, 2021, 05:51:50 PM »

Akshirley, Menuglug is the service that rarely delivers..

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33422 on:** June 25, 2021, 06:19:32 PM »

First hand experience, Brock. I went to Maccas a week back to grab a burger. Not a busy time of day.
When I pulled back into the driveway, my neighbour came to the door, thinking that I may be his delivery from Maccas, which he had ordered 20 minutes before I left home.
I had finished eating my burger before his was even delivered.
He said it took an hour to arrive from when it was ordered, (800 metres, 3 blocks away)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #33423 on:** June 25, 2021, 06:42:31 PM »

What a surprise? Australian Politicians have been granted a pay increase of around 2.5% per year.

This means that the Chief Leech of Victoria (who is on a greener leaf than the PM) will now be paid more than $452,000 per year, over $1200 per day.

How can this be justified??

Brock · « **Reply #33424 on:** June 25, 2021, 07:07:58 PM »

My Son ordered a couple of meals that never arrived. He watched them on the tracking app until it said delivered?? Straight on to Menu whosit who said we will investigate.. Investigate all you want he said I want my money back . After two attempts, never more. Local FB group is full of complaints of orders never received.. Even the shops are dumping them.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3184913 times)