Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Kev Murphy]

If you're ever walking along the beach and you see a girl dressed in a bikini made out of seashells,
pick her up and hold her to your ear, and you can hear her scream.

[Kev Murphy]

More and more facts are coming out about the life of Osama bin Laden.
You know that he never slept in the same place two nights in a row?

... Just like Bill Clinton.

[Kev Murphy]

Don't you just hate it when you are busy doing 'stuff' on the computer, have multiple links and windows open across two screens,
decide to make a cup of coffee, and when you return find that windows has shut down to reboot after downloading updates!

ARGH!!!!!

    

[Bodø]

Does my head in.

[Kev Murphy]

will be offline a couple days.. computer is in need of overhaul

 edit... all fixed, only took about 6 hours overnight.

[Kev Murphy]

A couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than once a week!"
The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's more than twice a week. What do you say to that?"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great!
... But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

[Kev Murphy]

Whales again.. 2.50pm

5 Southern Right Whales along the Seal walk at Cape Bridgewater. 2 by the boat ramp and another three just short from the top of the hill.

Whales can climb hills?

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

My watch is a half hour slow, and I can't fix it. ....

People ask me if I know what time it is. I say, "Yes, but not right now."

Do I have to move to South Australia?

[Kev Murphy]

You know, EVERYWHERE is within walking distance, if you have enough time and energy?

[Bodø]

A wheelbarrow also helps.

[Kev Murphy]

The hazards of a heavy night out...

When I awoke, I discovered that somebody had stolen the fittings in my apartment, and replaced it with similar furniture...
When my roommate came home, I said "Hey Buddy, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with replicas!"
He looked me up and down, and said "Do I know you?"

[Bodø]

My watch is a half hour slow, and I can't fix it. ....
People ask me if I know what time it is. I say, "Yes, but not right now."
Do I have to move to South Australia?

Go to the NT and you won't have to worry about daylight savings.

[Kev Murphy]

A tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

We wouldn't mind paying taxes if we knew which country it's going to.

[NTRebel]

Don't you know they go to the country of Slo-Mo and cronies

[Kev Murphy]

How do you prepare a sundae?

Build up to it on Fridae and Saturdae.

[Bodø]

How do you prepare a sundae?

You'll hear mondae right through to saturdae right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptkGrEuNMuM

[Kev Murphy]

I may not understand a word of it, but that does not not remove the entertainment.   

[Kev Murphy]

What would happen if writers went on strike?

[Kev Murphy]

A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning.
The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand.
"Reverend, that was the best bloody sermon I ever did hear!"
The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."
"I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"
"Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so friggen good, that I put $500 in the collection plate."
The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "No Shit!"

[Kev Murphy]

When I was young I was called an individualist.
When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric.
Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I'm labeled senile.

[Kev Murphy]

Such a pity that all the people who know how to run this country are busy driving taxicabs, serving at Maccas, and cutting hair.

[Kev Murphy]

As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"

[Kev Murphy]

Can you visualise  a whole bunch people on the stairs at a railway station, or at a shopping centre?

If our backside crack was horizontal, not vertical, it would sound like an auditorium full of people clapping!

[Kev Murphy]

Local Grand Final footy match playing across the road from my window... and would you believe it? ... it just started raining.

Just enough to put a few spots on the window, and dampen the roads and the grass.