Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5579792 times)

Bodø · « **Reply #9575 on:** October 17, 2018, 06:43:13 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 17, 2018, 01:41:45 AM

This is the closest I have ever been to having a date in the past ten years...

If you buy them playing cards what do you expect?

Bodø · « **Reply #9576 on:** October 17, 2018, 06:44:29 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 17, 2018, 03:32:25 PM

Some funny stuff.... giggleworthy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzIOeiDMJk8

Joe Lycett is generally very funny.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9577 on:** October 17, 2018, 07:48:50 PM »

The difference between food producers and food retailers.

The producer sells what he can, and what he can't sell, he cans.

The retailer sells what he can, and what he can't sell, he cancels.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9578 on:** October 18, 2018, 01:42:35 AM »

So you think Bolt is fast on his feet?
Hah!

- My buddy Gino managed to leap from a sitting position, run 20 metres down the hallway of his home, including 3 x 90 degree turns, (two left, and one right) and reached the shower in around zero point 37 seconds!

Happened when he was sitting naked at the keyboard, and spilt hot coffee in his lap.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9579 on:** October 18, 2018, 06:45:33 AM »

The manatee (Sea Cow) is endangered, and I think it's because it's out of shape.

It looks like a retired football player.

Gadget · « **Reply #9580 on:** October 18, 2018, 06:20:58 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 18, 2018, 06:45:33 AM

The manatee (Sea Cow) is endangered, and I think it's because it's out of shape.

It looks like a retired football player.

I hand fed a baby manatee at a rescue centre in the Amazon. They're are lovely creatures.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9581 on:** October 20, 2018, 06:34:48 AM »

With all this 'P C' rubbish, I wonder how long it will be before you have to play 'Rainbow Jack' at the Casino?

Will the Airforce refer to their attack helicopters as being 'Rainbowhawks'??

How about IGA homebrand, will it have to be called 'Rainbow' and Gold?

Do I now have to drink coffee with milk in it? (Can't even call it 'white', that's reversing the insult!)

Utter stupidity...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9582 on:** October 20, 2018, 06:20:51 PM »

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first rectal examination.
The nurse told him to have a seat in the examination room and that the doctor would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the doctor's desk.
1. A tube of K-Y jelly 2. A rubber glove 3. A beer

When the doctor finally came in, the man said "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam.
I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"

At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed to the door.

He flung the door open and yelled "Dammit, nurse! I said A BUTT LIGHT !!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9583 on:** October 20, 2018, 08:51:20 PM »

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping.
He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.
"I'll never do that again!" He said to his mother, later. "I didn't catch a thing!"
"Oh, I'm sure she'll be quiet next time, and not scare the fish away." his mother said.
The boy said, "She wasn't noisy, she ate all the worms!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9584 on:** October 20, 2018, 11:56:26 PM »

The main difference between Swine Flu and Avian Flu is that pigs can't fly!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9585 on:** October 21, 2018, 12:18:40 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9586 on:** October 21, 2018, 03:47:21 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9587 on:** October 21, 2018, 03:50:02 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9588 on:** October 21, 2018, 05:50:35 AM »

Three freshman engineering students were sitting together at lunch time, when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.

One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.

Another disagreed, and proclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body, because the system of levers, muscles, and joints for movement is ingenious.

"No," the third student said "You're both wrong. The human body was designed by an architect.
Who else but an architect would have put a toxic disposal system right next to a recreational area?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9589 on:** October 21, 2018, 03:43:33 PM »

A drunk was staggering home from the pub when his queasy stomach finally rebelled and he chundered on a passing chihuahua.

He looked down at the mess, and said "Whoa!, ... I don't remember eating that!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9590 on:** October 21, 2018, 05:45:55 PM »

Cricket Umpire.

"I'm the one that the players want to kill, so where's MY helmet and pads?!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9591 on:** October 21, 2018, 10:34:47 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9592 on:** October 21, 2018, 10:49:41 PM »

Bodø · « **Reply #9593 on:** October 22, 2018, 03:41:53 AM »

This my friends is the answer to the life long question :

A chicken walks into the bar and orders a drink
Barman says, "sorry, we don't serve chickens here, you have to go across the road."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9594 on:** October 22, 2018, 10:20:37 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9595 on:** October 22, 2018, 02:34:20 PM »

A bit of activity here on the local front.
Seems that a submarine has surfaced between some fishing boats in the bay outside Portland harbour.
The fishermen all left the area, maybe they thought they might get torpedoed?

update : Tuesday morning.
Only information to offer is that it was attended by the local Pilot boat on two occasions, and one crew member was brought ashore.

Sub left again late afternoon.

Might have been a life-or-death situation.. (Officers ran out of cornflakes?)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9596 on:** October 22, 2018, 02:37:13 PM »

A womans idea of exercise is to walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9597 on:** October 23, 2018, 12:45:47 AM »

God and Satan were having an argument about an upcoming game of football.

Satan wanted the game to be played on neutral grounds, between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand picked players.

"Very well," said God. "But you realize, I hope, that I have all the best players and the smartest coaches?"

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "I've got all the umpires."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9598 on:** October 23, 2018, 01:59:27 AM »

Interesting that the winner of American Idol talent show got more votes than Donald Trump in the Presidential Election.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9599 on:** October 23, 2018, 02:14:09 AM »

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman in a home who'll give you love and affection?

It means you're in the wrong house, buddy.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5579792 times)

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