A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 70!" "I AM 70!" "See, what did I tell you?"
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day."
Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?"
"How would I know, I'm 140 miles away!"
The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this."
"Then don't do that!"
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out while standing by the window".
"What will that do?" asks the patient. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest.
The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?"
The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?"
The doctor says, "Limp!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!"
The doctor called, "Next!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy"
The man says, "I want a second opinion!"
"Okay, you're ugly too!"
"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears."
"Don't answer!"
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office".
Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."
I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club, jog on a machine."
The man lost 20 pounds in one week!
(The machine ripped his leg off!)
