Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Kev Murphy]

My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her?
She is worried that I may be obsessed with her, and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified.

Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree across the road.

[Kev Murphy]

NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk, because none of them would go outside wearing the same outfit.

[Bodø]

NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk, because none of them would go outside wearing the same outfit.

Either way, there will still be a lack of atmosphere.

[Kev Murphy]

I was watching some construction workers today, laying down a bunch of grass across the road.

I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a bulldozer came out of nowhere, and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...

It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."

[Bodø]

Nice of you to assess the situation.  That makes you a grader.

[Kev Murphy]

 

[Kev Murphy]

How many languages can you speak, Bodø?

[Shillas]

More than any of us.

[Shillas]

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of ...his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received.

But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer. The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed, ''Where are your testicles?''

The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.

[Kev Murphy]

That's a long stretch... ... of funds, that is.

[Bodø]

Sounds like bollocks to me.

[Kev Murphy]

just misplaced...

[Jdbiker]

 Must have got a tip from Goebbels🤓

[Kev Murphy]

 

[Kev Murphy]

How many languages can you speak, Bodø?

(I must be transparent?)

[Kev Murphy]

Or ignored?

[Kev Murphy]

Never mind, moving right along...

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada.
He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-coloured buildings.
He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...
It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love, and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.
His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, like an alleyway out of Florence in the 1500s, but made out of clay stones.

He sees two gentlemen working on fixing a small crack in the street, the only blemish for blocks.
One of them is pounding down the clay with a wide-head sledgehammer, thwap thwap!
The other is on his knees with a compass and a pick and a broom, adjusting the grade of the street material.

He interrupts them to say, "Excuse me gentlemen! I hate to be a bother, but I just want to applaud your hard work on this alleyway.
 It's rare a city takes such good care with its streets and this one is one of the best."

The man with the sledge stops and says, "Well, we appreciate that sir. You know your streets, it seems! Would it surprise you to know that the composition of this street is not adobe? It's mulched with our native nut trees, the cashew nut.
That's what gives it its softness. When it rains, the petrichor has a slight sweetness due to the cashew, and the town smells fantastic. I'm just hammering it down before it gets too cold."

"Well, I'll be!" cried the archaeologist. "And what's that fellow up to?" pointing to the man on his knees.

"Oh him! He's in charge of checking the grade of the clay. If it's too rough, he picks and sweeps it.
Backbreaking work. We hire four of them, one for each season. And since autumn just arrived, he's got a few months yet.

"So you see...my hammered alley is really 'cashews clay'. And he is the gradist, ... the gradist...of fall time."




It's ok... I'll see myself out...

[Kev Murphy]

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther...

He says the correct term is grader operator.

[Bodø]

Ask him about the bulldozer and forklift.

[Kev Murphy]

How many languages can you speak, Bodø?

[Bodø]

[Kev Murphy]

Oboy!... I bet that helps a lot with the ladies, when they learn about your cunning linguistic abilities! 

[Shillas]

Never mind, moving right along...

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada.
He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-coloured buildings.
He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...
It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love, and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.
His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, like an alleyway out of Florence in the 1500s, but made out of clay stones.

He sees two gentlemen working on fixing a small crack in the street, the only blemish for blocks.
One of them is pounding down the clay with a wide-head sledgehammer, thwap thwap!
The other is on his knees with a compass and a pick and a broom, adjusting the grade of the street material.

He interrupts them to say, "Excuse me gentlemen! I hate to be a bother, but I just want to applaud your hard work on this alleyway.
 It's rare a city takes such good care with its streets and this one is one of the best."

The man with the sledge stops and says, "Well, we appreciate that sir. You know your streets, it seems! Would it surprise you to know that the composition of this street is not adobe? It's mulched with our native nut trees, the cashew nut.
That's what gives it its softness. When it rains, the petrichor has a slight sweetness due to the cashew, and the town smells fantastic. I'm just hammering it down before it gets too cold."

"Well, I'll be!" cried the archaeologist. "And what's that fellow up to?" pointing to the man on his knees.

"Oh him! He's in charge of checking the grade of the clay. If it's too rough, he picks and sweeps it.
Backbreaking work. We hire four of them, one for each season. And since autumn just arrived, he's got a few months yet.

"So you see...my hammered alley is really 'cashews clay'. And he is the gradist, ... the gradist...of fall time."




It's ok... I'll see myself out...

That'd be good.

[Shillas]

I think that says 5. Swedish, Japanese, English, Finnish, Russian.

[Kev Murphy]

Someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick.


Seriously though, how low can you go?