Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5822269 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14525 on:** October 12, 2019, 10:27:45 PM »

My interview for a job as a kamikaze pilot went pretty good.

... until I asked about retirement benefits.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14526 on:** October 12, 2019, 10:31:46 PM »

Supersonic jet pilot: "This is it! We’re now flying faster than the speed of sound!"

Copilot: "Pardon?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14527 on:** October 12, 2019, 11:46:40 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14528 on:** October 13, 2019, 12:12:05 AM »

Shat Hippens...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq77ohJ-m4c

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14529 on:** October 13, 2019, 12:26:19 AM »

Him to her: "HA! .. Betcha never had it so good!"

Her to him: "Well, frankly, I have been more stimulated by sitting on a cold rivet on a seat at the bus stop!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14530 on:** October 13, 2019, 12:37:10 AM »

Teacher, trying to stimulate deep thought from her class:

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Little Johnny: "The rooster!"

Bodø · « **Reply #14531 on:** October 13, 2019, 01:55:42 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on October 12, 2019, 09:51:26 PM

Why put your hands up, when a single digit indicates your lack of interest?

There's about five of us at work that greet each other with said digit, and it does not indicate a lock of interest.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14532 on:** October 13, 2019, 04:32:07 PM »

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Panther.

Panther who?

Panth er no panth, I’m going thwimming!

(a friend visited me this afternoon, and his 8 year old son hit me with this one)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14533 on:** October 13, 2019, 04:38:34 PM »

Are an Eskimos' offspring called chilled-ren?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14534 on:** October 13, 2019, 04:57:04 PM »

I know a woman who is stringing along two boyfriends, one lives in Iceland and the other in the Falkland Islands.

- She's bi-polar.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14535 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:16:18 PM »

Friday was 'Take your son to work' day.

My friend is a Qantas pilot .....

Bodø · « **Reply #14536 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:39:21 PM »

Went to see the World's fastest moving staircase the other day...it's amazing how quickly things can escalate !

Bodø · « **Reply #14537 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:39:42 PM »

Went into a 24/7 language translation service the other day...apparently it's always open for interpretation

Bodø · « **Reply #14538 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:40:00 PM »

"I went on a blind date with a girl called simile...I'm not sure what I metaphor ? "

Bodø · « **Reply #14539 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:40:17 PM »

I just read somewhere that Heinz Ketchup is not too good for you...I'm still trying to verify my sauces !

Bodø · « **Reply #14540 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:40:37 PM »

I'm trying to work out why I have developed a phobia about touching certain surfaces with my hands....there must be a reason, but I can't quite put my finger on it !

Bodø · « **Reply #14541 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:41:15 PM »

Arsonists.....they truly have a burning ambition !

Bodø · « **Reply #14542 on:** October 13, 2019, 06:42:48 PM »

I saw a brilliant article on plagerism the other day. If I find it again I'll be sure to copy/paste it here.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14543 on:** October 13, 2019, 08:10:10 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14544 on:** October 13, 2019, 08:43:53 PM »

The old expression 'to spend a penny' is obsolete.

Now that the EU has a common currency, the new term is 'to euronate'.

Shillas · « **Reply #14545 on:** October 13, 2019, 08:48:03 PM »

My wife bought a new bra, but it's really hard to unhook.

I'm not sure why I tried it on in the first place.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14546 on:** October 13, 2019, 08:50:53 PM »

Shillas · « **Reply #14547 on:** October 13, 2019, 09:28:16 PM »

I saw a brilliant article on plagerism the other day. If I find it again I'll be sure to copy/paste it here.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14548 on:** October 13, 2019, 11:09:14 PM »

The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch...
Is that people think you're just tall.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #14549 on:** October 13, 2019, 11:18:39 PM »

Wife told husband that she has gained a lot of weight lately and wants to lose weight.

Husband: "There's a very effective weight loss patch. You'll lose 10 pounds in one week.
The most important thing is that it's really cheap, too!"

Wife: "Oh wow! I need to have one. Where do you apply the patch?"

Husband: "Over your mouth."

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5822269 times)

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