Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5572305 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9025 on:** September 08, 2018, 04:49:00 PM »

Football game has finished, one team beat the other, but I have no idea who was playing?

Bodø · « **Reply #9026 on:** September 08, 2018, 05:22:11 PM »

I do, two teams.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9027 on:** September 08, 2018, 05:26:54 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9028 on:** September 08, 2018, 09:26:50 PM »

I have a friend who commutes daily in the city. He emailed me Thursday morning describing the traffic problems there.
Seems that there was a bit of a traffic jam after a minor bingle. Tow truck was called, and Police were asked to attend
to clear the snarl up. Towie finally arrived on Saturday afternoon, blaming the bumper to bumper traffic for the delay.

Police said that it was extremely difficult to move the traffic on, as a set of lights two blocks further on had failed,
but they have assured everyone that the congestion will be cleared by next Wednesday when a squad car of police can get
through the jam to the scene, to manually direct traffic.

Kudos to Dominoes for their fantastic pushbike meal delivery service to the hundreds of stranded drivers for the past four days.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9029 on:** September 09, 2018, 03:08:00 AM »

A family moves into a new neighborhood, one day the family overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.
The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her.
Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more blocks before she indicated another turn.
This went on for 25 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.
The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle.
The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9030 on:** September 09, 2018, 01:40:39 PM »

A famous scientist was on his way to a lecture in yet another university when his chauffeur offered an idea.
"Hey, boss, I've heard your speech so many times, I bet I could deliver it, and give you the night off."
"Sounds great!" the scientist said.

When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back row.
The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech.

Afterwards he asked if there were any questions. "Yes," said one professor. Then he launched into a highly technical question.

The chauffeur was panic stricken for a moment, but quickly recovered. "That's an easy one," he replied.
"In fact, it's so easy, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9031 on:** September 09, 2018, 04:08:19 PM »

Money can't buy everything.

... same result as no money.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9032 on:** September 09, 2018, 04:12:58 PM »

In response to accusations that he doesn't care about black people, Trump replied,
"Of course I care about black people, every home should have one."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9033 on:** September 09, 2018, 04:16:30 PM »

They made a movie "White Men Can't Jump" in the early 90s.

After Hurricane Harvey 12 months ago, they are planning a remake:~ "Black Men Can't Swim"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9034 on:** September 09, 2018, 07:35:14 PM »

Bodø · « **Reply #9035 on:** September 09, 2018, 07:47:31 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on September 09, 2018, 04:08:19 PM

Money can't buy everything.
... same result as no money.

They same money can't buy happiness, but I am sure it could buy a lot of misery I could learn to live with.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9036 on:** September 09, 2018, 07:53:33 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9037 on:** September 09, 2018, 10:41:07 PM »

'Yes' mob cold called me at 7pm tonight (Against the law, as I am on the Do Not Call register) ...fool was trying to get me to sign up for their 'Massive' 30 gig data deal. I informed the idiot that he was in breach of 'do not call' laws, and that as I already am on unlimited data through Telstra, and yet he still continued to try and sell me an unwanted product.
I hung up and blocked the number. There were a futher 4 rejected calls from that same number within 90 minutes.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9038 on:** September 09, 2018, 11:58:56 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9039 on:** September 10, 2018, 01:33:26 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9040 on:** September 10, 2018, 04:20:29 PM »

Bodø · « **Reply #9041 on:** September 10, 2018, 06:56:45 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9042 on:** September 10, 2018, 07:15:53 PM »

What a muppet! Will probably run up the back of a vehicle due to restricted forward vision!

Does the 'L' plate suggest the reason for this insanity???
Does he tow a trailer loaded with batteries to supply power for all the lights???

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9043 on:** September 10, 2018, 07:24:10 PM »

A man walked into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a trucker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the trucker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt of a dog kill my rotty?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9044 on:** September 10, 2018, 10:08:25 PM »

A man sees a friend at a table in a bar, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June," his friend replied, "and left me $25,000.
Then in July, my father died, leaving me $30,000."
"Losing both parents in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $10,000." His friend continued.
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"And then this month," concluded the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9045 on:** September 11, 2018, 12:21:50 PM »

Basketball is America's favorite "running" sport.

Number two is avoiding child support payments.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9046 on:** September 11, 2018, 12:25:41 PM »

Microsoft have announced that their latest 0perating system is to be named "Windows Diana".

A spokesman from Microsoft said that it was in tribute to the late Princess of Wales and is a fitting name
for a product that will look flash, be mostly superficial, consume vast amounts of resources and crash spectacularly.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9047 on:** September 11, 2018, 12:30:26 PM »

A few years back, the Post Office briefly considered issuing stamps with Julia Gillard and Tony Abbotts faces on them.

However, test marketing verified that customers would spit on the wrong side of the stamps.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9048 on:** September 11, 2018, 05:38:10 PM »

The best things in life are still free, but the ATO is working overtime to correct that.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9049 on:** September 11, 2018, 07:11:39 PM »

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King.

... and got one.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 5572305 times)

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø